SAHM
stay at home mum
The decision to become a stay at home mum for most people is not a very easy decision to make. There are different reasons why women make the decision, some because they didn’t find a job, some made the conscious decision, some realised they just didn’t want to leave their child(ren) after their leave.
How to feel zero shame as a stay at home mum || The Cuddle Blog
The decision to become a stay at home mum for most people is not a very easy decision to make. There are different reasons why women make the decision, some because they didn’t find a job, some made the conscious decision, some realised they just didn’t want to leave their child(ren) after their leave.
For whatever reason, the woman makes the decision one thing is constant with all these women, at some point or another they have felt a bit of shame for the new found status. Going from a high flying career where you are running the show, calling the shots being respected for your status and intellect to having milk stained clothes, talking only baby-language all day, organizing the home, it definitely takes a toll over time.
I have had some times in my stay at home years where I felt I didn’t measure up because I wasn’t in a regular job like everyone else & I wasn’t earning a steady income to support my family. I felt all these things inside of me, and when Nigerians (who generally don’t know how to act) hear that you are ‘taking care of your child’ they go ahead to start offering you ways to make money, telling you to look for a job or start a business and if one is still in the place of shame, you can imagine how much further the person will sink.
Why? Why do we stay at home mums feel shame when the title is involved?
- The society: There is a linear way society has programmed the trajectory of life for most of us. Be born, go to school, get a job, grow in the job, strive for work-life balance, retire from the job, die. Once anyone tries to go against this trajectory, society makes them feel like they are doing something wrong and something to be ashamed of, however, the world we are today there is disruption in every sector and facet of life where some things that used to be looked down upon is now celebrated and I see that happening with stay at home mums too.
- Your Spouse: Some husbands do make their wives feel less than for making the choice of taking care of their children through the early years of their life. They make snide comments, be rude, be controlling, etc because of the choice or circumstance of being a stay at home mum. This is not a very healthy environment to be in and I know it is the reality of many people, some have been forced to get jobs they absolutely hate because of it.
- Other Mothers & People who don’t see beyond their nose: I am really not trying to be ‘insultive’ but I really couldn’t find other words to describe it. Whether knowingly or unknowingly other mothers sometimes judge stay at home mums especially the ones who have their children in school too. You get funny comments, statements from the people you think should understand the most
- You!: You are ashamed of your status as a stay at home mum ultimately because of you. You have not sat down to define your value as you take on this role, you have not sat down to define the advantages of your sacrifice on a daily basis, you have not looked beyond yourself in the now, you have not stopped caring about what people think about your decision. You, my dear SAHM need to change that.
What can we do to feel zero shame as a SAHM?
- Do you see the above list? Minus your spouse, stop focusing on anything they have to say, them go dey alright las las. Let’s talk about what you can do practically now;
- For your spouse who still thinks less of your sacrifice and makes snide comments to make you feel less than? Talk! Communicate! Communicate some more till you are on the same page because it cannot work until you are on the same page.
- Write down on a sheet of paper the value you are adding to your family. Read it every day to boost your confidence then start saying it out loud to people “I am a stay at home mum”
- Dress up every day like you are going to work, it doesn’t have to be elaborate but it will boost your confidence.
- Create a business card! Let the world know that you are not here to joke. Lol. Share the card when you go out and watch people marvel.
- Create a development road map for yourself. Define your personal development goals and work at achieving it.
- Get an income, for some people confidence, can only come when there is money, there are different ways to make money without an actual ‘job’ or business. Invest your savings, get the family to pay you a salary,
- Find an outlet (physical, intellectual, spiritual): If your spouse has a business, run a blog or contribute content to existing websites or blogs, join a gym, volunteer in your kid's school, church, build an online presence the opportunities are endless.
- Find an anchor: Jesus is my anchor, he gives my life meaning and a sense of purpose.
It took a while for me to shake off the shame I used to feel and not base my identity on the title “stay at home mum” and see what I was doing in the real light of what it was, a very brave and noble thing. The gratification is delayed but it is definitely worth it.
Have you ever felt shame because you are a stay at home mum? How do you introduce yourself when you are to shy to say ‘stay at home mum’?
home schooling
home schooling in nigeria
homeschooling tips
Homeschooling 101: Getting started with home education
One of the things that I see so much of and notice is that most homeschooling mums are former
early years teachers and because of that most of the content I have seen don’t cater to the
regular mum who just sees the need to homeschool her child(ren) for whatever reason. When
you hear “Homeschooling” we probably think it only teaching your kids Maths and English at
home but in my journey to home educate my son, I have seen that it is a whole lot more than
that. That is what I hope to shed more light on in this article;
Let’s start from the beginning, shall we?
● Know that it’s a long term commitment & find strength; For you to be reading this article
it means you have made a decision or planning to make the decision to homeschool
your child. When we make the decision we have one focus, the education of our
children and we have to keep that focus on every day because there will be hard days
and there will be days you feel like you are not doing the right thing but with the focus in
mind, it will give us the tenacity and will power to move forward. Commitment is what is
going to keep us moving forward on the days we don’t feel like it. Just like a Job, you
have to show up ‘everyday’ for your child(ren) because you understand that their
learning is important to you.
● Be on the same page with your spouse: This is a very important part of the process.
Most homeschooling families the mother is responsible for the homeschooling process,
most of it is based on the mother's philosophy of education, research on the curriculum
to use and just informs the spouse or significant other as against, both partners sitting
down to define everything involved and making the decisions together. In the situation
where he is 100% involved, he can be a sounding board for ideas, help in making the
decision for the curriculum to use, he can take your home education session
occasionally. The truth is that we all need support and isn’t it absolutely amazing when it
comes from your spouse.
● Check the Laws of your country: In Nigeria, from the research, I have done,
homeschooling is permissible, however, there are some things that need to be taken into
consideration. How long do you want to homeschool? Are you in it till university level? Or
just for primary education? Your answers to these questions will determine if you should
be ‘worried’ about the laws in Nigeria or not. I am putting in steps to find out more on the
laws but from the information I have, you can’t register for common entrance except
through a school but if it is for WAEC there is an option to register a private student. The
whole information is sketchy because all the information I have are from online sources
that are not verifiable because there are no clear standards in this country, however, I
am working on finding out more official information. In the USA there are clear laws,
requirements in each state all you have to do is search for the laws of your state to figure
out what you need to do to ensure you are doing the right thing.
● Define your education philosophy: This one is very important. I started my
homeschooling journey not thinking so much about my educational philosophy. I was
just researching curricular, schedules, worksheets etc. I discovered that I was always not
getting what I wanted and this was mainly because I hadn’t even defined my philosophy
on education. I want us to also think of our philosophy different from just choosing a
method but also looking at your overall goal as a family, for example; “I want to raise a
well-rounded child who enjoys learning, curious and is committed to the process
of lifelong learning” something along those lines. While it is good to know and be
familiar with the different educational methods out there, it is important to define your
philosophy because this will inform how you approach educating your child.
● Know the learning style: Children are different and all children do not learn in the same
way, so we can’t educate them in the same way, this is why you have to know the
learning style of your child(ren)Observe, observe, observe. For the younger kids, it’s not
like you are giving them an assessment but the purpose is to know what will be the most
effective way to achieve your learning goal. For older kids, there are different online tests
that can help with knowing their learning style. There are various types of learning styles
Visual, Aural, Kinetic, Social, Interpersonal, Logical & Verbal Read more here being
armed with the information above you can now go ahead to choose your curriculum
● Choosing a curriculum/Learning method: There are a thousand and one options out
there on the internet, both paid and free resources it can get really overwhelming
especially when you don’t have a formal education on knowing exactly what to do. But,
when you have gone through the process of defining your philosophy and defined your
child(ren)’s learning style the process of choosing the curriculum/learning method
becomes narrowed down and makes the process easier. When you do start the process,
you should be willing to trust the process.
● Routine & Planning: If you fail to plan you plan to fail. Like we mentioned earlier, we are
in this for the long haul and if we don’t create a routine and plan ahead what we are
going to do we are already setting ourselves up for failure. We have a simple routine for
homeschooling for toddlers and you can use it as a framework for your homeschooling
by tailoring it to your child(ren)’s age. You only have to create a routine once and tweak
as your child evolves, and based on your curriculum/learning method you can plan
weekly. Planning doesn’t have to be a long process, you can simplify the process and in
future articles, we would share how to do these.
I really hope that these step by step process will help you on your homeschooling journey.
Are you a homeschooler? What will you say are the important steps for someone starting out?
Are you new on the journey? Feel free to ask questions in the comment section.
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