Raising Confident and Independent Children: Building Foundations for Wholesome Adulthood

As parents, one of our key roles is to nurture qualities that help our children grow into wholesome adults who can confidently and effectively function within society. Confidence and independence are not just admirable traits; they are pillars that contribute to a child's sense of self-worth and ability to navigate the world. In this article, I'll share how I intentionally work to build confidence and independence in my children through simple, everyday actions that encourage autonomy, respect for boundaries, and decision-making skills.

1. Letting Them Walk Ahead:

One of the small but significant ways I encourage independence is by letting my children walk ahead of me in safe, familiar environments. This seemingly simple act gives them the chance to interact with people they meet on their own terms. I've found that when they encounter someone, they naturally greet and begin a conversation, which allows them to engage socially without my immediate presence. This approach fosters both social confidence and a sense of responsibility, knowing they can handle these situations independently.

2. Allowing Them to Speak for Themselves:

When people ask my children questions directly, I make a conscious effort not to speak on their behalf. This isn't always easy; sometimes they take a moment to gather their thoughts, or they might be hesitant. However, I believe in giving them the space to respond on their own terms. If they give an incorrect answer, I hold off on correcting it immediately, allowing them to manage the conversation. Later, I’ll gently clarify things to help them learn without feeling undermined. This small act reinforces their confidence in self-expression and gives them the chance to represent themselves authentically.

3. Creating an Environment that Promotes Independence:

Our home setup plays a huge role in encouraging independence. While we may not have child-sized versions of everything, I make sure that essentials—like resources and play materials—are accessible. Our home environment is flexible, with dedicated areas for play and even indoor activities like skating and scootering. Clear boundaries help my children understand their space, encouraging them to act autonomously within defined limits. They don’t have to come to me every time they want to try something; they know what is allowed and can explore confidently within those boundaries.

4. Equipping Them for Decision-Making:

Independence thrives on the ability to make choices. I frequently reiterate family rules so my children know the boundaries and expectations clearly. This approach empowers them to act with independence, even when I'm not directly supervising. Low-stakes decision-making opportunities, like choosing between play activities or setting small goals, teach them to assess options and make decisions.

5. Encouraging Their Successes:

Positive reinforcement is powerful for confidence building. I make it a point to acknowledge when my children make decisions, follow through with tasks independently, or respect the family’s boundaries. By recognizing these small moments, they understand that their efforts are noticed and valued. This boosts their self-esteem and reinforces their sense of autonomy, as they start to associate independence with achievement and self-respect.

Conclusion

As we guide our children on their journey to adulthood, fostering independence and confidence lays a strong foundation for their future. Remember, children need to experience autonomy to truly understand its value. When they are encouraged to make choices and operate within boundaries, confidence naturally grows as a byproduct. Teaching independence in a safe and supportive environment equips them with life skills that will serve them well into adulthood, empowering them to become resilient, capable individuals ready to take on the world.

Follow our homeschooling journey social media

Whether a child attends a traditional school or is homeschooled, the role of parents as primary educators cannot be overstated. This involvement extends far beyond simply ensuring homework is completed or attending parent-teacher meetings. It encompasses creating a supportive learning environment at home, fostering a love of learning, and actively participating in a child's educational journey.

The Traditional School Setting

In the conventional school system, parental involvement typically manifests in various forms:

• Communication: Regular interaction with teachers through phone calls, emails, or conferences.
• Support: Assisting with homework, providing a quiet study space, and ensuring adequate sleep and nutrition.
• Participation: Attending school events, volunteering, and serving on school committees.
• Advocacy: Representing the child's interests and needs within the school system.

While these forms of involvement are undoubtedly valuable, it's essential to recognize that they often represent the tip of the iceberg. Deeper engagement involves understanding a child's intelligence, collaborating with teachers to develop individualized learning plans, and nurturing a lifelong curiosity for knowledge.

This post is sponsored by Gradely. Gradely empowers parents with personalised learning resources, so you can take charge of their progress and help them succeed in school and in life. Download the app on iOS and App store.

The Homeschooling Paradigm

Homeschooling offers a unique opportunity for parents to take a more hands-on approach to education. While it demands significant time and dedication, it also provides unparalleled flexibility and customization. Effective homeschooling requires:

• Curriculum Development: Creating or selecting a curriculum that aligns with the child's learning goals and interests.
• Instruction: Delivering lessons and providing guidance in various subjects.
• Assessment: Monitoring progress and adapting teaching strategies as needed.
• Socialization: Facilitating opportunities for interaction with peers through extracurricular activities and co-op groups.

It's crucial to remember that homeschooling is not simply a solitary endeavor. Parents who homeschool often form supportive communities and seek guidance from experienced homeschooling families.

Breaking Barriers

Regardless of the educational path chosen, overcoming challenges and fostering a positive learning environment are common to both traditional schooling and homeschooling. Factors such as socioeconomic status, cultural background, and parental education levels can significantly impact the level of involvement.

To bridge these gaps, schools, communities, and policymakers must work together to provide resources, support, and encouragement for all parents. By empowering parents to become active participants in their children's education, we can create a more equitable and effective learning ecosystem.

Ultimately, the success of any educational approach hinges on the strength of the parent-child relationship and the commitment to lifelong learning. Whether in the classroom or at the kitchen table, parents are the cornerstone of a child's educational journey.

How do you see parental involvement shaping the future of education? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

 One of the biggest questions you get when you say your child is not going to a traditional school is "How will he socialise?" this is one of the disadvantages people bring up about homeschooling which I would say is not a disadvantage at all. 

Let's talk about socialising! 

For us to better understand what this is all about let us define socialisation according to the dictionary;

a continuing process whereby an individual acquires a personal identity and learns the norms, values, behavior, and social skills appropriate to his or her social position.

Based on this definition, this is precisely what homeschooling is about, but we would guess that what people are mostly talking about is the social skills that are required to be learned by kids and individuals. So, what are the social skills that children are required to have;

• Sharing
• Cooperating
• Listening 
• Following Instructions 
• Respecting personal space 
• Making eye contact 
• Using manners 
• Taking turns 
• Helping others 
• Asking for help 
• Not interrupting 
• Waiting Patiently 

• Sharing: Share what you have with your child and make the conscious effort to ask your child for something that is for them too. This has to be done deliberately and often too. Say "Thank you" or "It's so nice of you to share your drink with mummy" over time they won't have a problem with sharing. 

• Cooperating: This is a tricky one because even from taking a bath in the morning, it is always a struggle but you have to continue to demonstrate the appropriate actions you expect and also say it to them. Be sure to give an advance warning before it is time "In 10 mins we would have to take a bath"

• Listening: Actively listen to your child whenever they call your attention to tell you the same thing for the 100th time, in modelling listening to them they know they should listen to you. Drop down to their level, call their attention and hold it. 

• Following Instructions: Start from single instructions "Hey baby, please come" then move on the multiple instructions "Hey baby, pick up the toy and bring it" While playing together or doing a craft you can continue to show them how to follow instructions. 

• Respecting personal space: Once your child can listen to simple instructions you can always tell them on different ways they can respect personal space e.g "Please knock the door" "Mummy is taking a bath right now, please come back later" encourage them to also take their space if they are upset or want to play alone "You can sit over there if you want to calm down" they won't always get it but as you remain consistent with the instructions they will get it. 

• Making eye contact: You have the opportunity to help them make eye contact with you everyday, while taking a bath, eating, playing. I usually say "Look at me" right before I say anything to ensure that he looks me in the eyes. If your child doesn't want to constantly make eye contact please consult your doctor. 

• Using manners: Showing and telling in everyday situations is the best way to go about this. If you want your child to say "Thank you" tell them "Thank you" if you want them to be polite, be polite not only to them but to everyone around you. They watch you for what to do and how to act. 

• Taking turns: Look out for opportunities in your day to take turns e.g taking baths for your child, give them the sponge and ask that they scrub themselves then you ask for your own turn, take turns in brushing their teeth, take turns in preparing for dinner/breakfast etc.   

• Asking for help; Encourage your child to ask for help but ensure you emphasize the need to try first. Children get frustrated easily as they are getting control of their emotions but you have to get down to their level and let them know they need to try first, use their words to tell you they need help if they can't do it. My son is 3 now and he is trying more before asking for help or throwing a tantrum. There will be a time that they will only throw a tantrum but you have to acknowledge their emotions and guide them on the appropriate approach. 

• Not interrupting: This one is very tricky around younger children, one approach I have seen around is teaching your child to stand beside you (while you are talking) and holding your hands as a way of indicating that they need your attention and you squeezing their hand to say you hear and will give them the attention they need as soon as you can. They way, they don't feel ignored. This will be hard to achieve with younger children but telling them early will be a sure way to achieve it faster. 

• Waiting Patiently: Start with something they are interested in and ask them to wait for it; e.g baking, they can practice waiting patiently as they watch the oven of their yummy goodies baking, waiting for water for swimming to fill up, waiting for tv time. Just be creative and see a way you can let them know the joys of delayed gratification. 

• No Tv very early: I have a lot more knowledge on the reasons why I shouldn't allow screen time so early and I am hoping to be able to put that knowledge to in motion. I don't know how it will work out because obviously, my son has TV time and don't know how practical it will be to not allow a baby watch the TV that is right there but hey! That's my intention.
• Try to sleep train earlier: I tried sleep training my son when he was little but it was such a hassle and I gave up too easily, so as he grew up we now only sleep trained again at 3 years old and now, he still wakes up every day at midnight without fail and that can be frustrating for me. 
• Get a high chair: I heard this from a mums24 when she was telling me about her daughter and the difference having a high chair made in her feeding habits and all. I didn't even get a high chair for my first but we got a table and chair for him when he turned 2 but he still will stand up and run around. I am hoping that the high chair will help with feeding.
• Start homeschooling earlier: I will be more purposeful with my child's learning from birth as against waiting till 1-year-old or 18 months. 
• Might breastfeed a little after 12 months: I would love to extend the breastfeeding till after 12 months, even if it is by pumping and storing. I felt guilty about how I stopped breastfeeding at 12months! 
• Enjoy the newborn phase more: My son's birth was something and I didn't get to enjoy the newborn phase as much as I would have loved to, I was depressed most of the time, so I intend to enjoy the newborn phase more when my second child comes, be happy and make the moments count.
• NO CO-SLEEPING!!!!! END OFF!!!! 😂😂😂

What will you/did you do differently with your second child?

What tips would you add?

We all have heard the studies that show that excessive screen time is not good for kids but how do you go about it for your addicted child? 

• Talk to them: Give them a warning before you start to cut it back. “Hey baby, so mummy noticed that you watch a lot of TV, I know you love your programs but mummy loves you more and wants to spend time with you, so from tomorrow we will start cutting back the time you spend watching tv so we can hang out, okay?” Or use a line that involves you telling them that too much tv is not good for them and you want what is best for them.

• Take away personal devices; if they have a personal device, take it away and use the TV, while it is a good strategy it also helps for them to know you are in control of when it comes on and when it goes off however with a personal device, they own it and there is a risk of them staying longer than necessary if the adults are watching their own TV. 

• Cut back on the hours one day at a time; What is the maximum time they spend daily? From the next day start cutting it down till you get to the number of hours you are happy with, ensure you give them warnings before the TV goes off. “You have 30 mins left and the TV goes off” and on and on till it’s time.

• As your child continues to get used to the new habit of not requesting for TV, ensure you reward them. Reward doesn’t have to be like sweets or anything a simple acknowledgement, “I noticed you’ve not asked for Tv for a few hours, way to go darling” or give a high five, anything that shows that you notice the new behaviour can be a reward. 

• Now give a designated TV time that they will look forward to and stick with it. If you want to do one hour daily - stick with it. If you want to do once a week - just stay consistent so they can look forward to it! 

• Have alternative activities in hand; Books, crafts, water play, free play, outdoor play etc. have alternative activities for your child to engage in when the tv or tab goes off.

• Say Hello or Sing the hello song.
• Weather Song 
• Different Action Songs 
• National Anthem 
• Theme song 
• Read a book
• Introduce what you might be working on in your homeschool that day 

• Your child might not be interested at first and that is okay. Just keep doing it and inviting them to join you. One day you’d sing a song they like and they would join you. 
• Let go of perfection. It won’t be perfect especially with younger kids, just be consistent. 
• You have to plan ahead, you won’t know until when you are in the thick of things and all the songs you think you know are not coming to mind. 
• Have a routine but also be flexible. Have some particular songs or activities you do that it predictable but also be flexible enough to listen to your child
• Be focused. Put your phone away, attention span is very short and you can lose them quickly when they are not engaged. Don’t. 
• Depending on the age of your child, circle time should not be for too long. 

Attention span is the amount of time spent concentrating on a task before becoming distracted [Wikipedia]

What is the realistic real attention span; 

Children's attention span is 3-5 mins per year of your child age. 

Factors that affect attention span; 

• Environment; A highly stimulating environment can affect the attention span of your child. If there is a lot of distraction in the environment, it's not realistic to expect that they will be focused on the activity. Even as adults, who have the developmental capacity to focus for longer, we get distracted by something as simple as our phone ringing how much more kids?

• Maternal Behavior: This study shows that maternal behaviour can affect the attention span of children. I would not necessarily say maternal behaviour, I would say primary caregiver because whoever interacts with the child the most can affect them. The summary of the study is if we are not warm and interactive with our children and we fall back to snapping at them, nagging them about something constantly intruding into their focused time to "correct" them can interfere with the cognitive function of focus that is developing. 

• Their needs are not met: If the needs of the child are not met, there is so much focus that can be achieved. The need for food, expend energy, sleep, love, are some of the things that can affect them. 

• Exhaustion: We know how hyperactive children get when they want to sleep? Imagine trying to get them to do an activity that requires focus at that time. Isn't it impossible? Sometimes we don't pay attention to those things. 

How can we help our children increase their attention span?

5 areas of attention to note;

• Focused Attention; When a child's attention is focused on visual or auditory information
• Selective Attention; When a child can filter all the distractions around them and focus on a task
• Shifting Attention; When a child can begin a task stop and focus their attention on another task 
• Sustained Attention; When a child can focus their attention on a task for an extended period of time 
• Divided Attention: When a child can multi-task. 

When you are a new mum in the phase with your new baby you think this is just the hardest phase because you are sleep deprived with a demanding baby then BAM!!! Toddlerhood! Terrific 2s and 3s and then you will take your words back and hoped that you enjoyed their babyhood some more.

Toddlers are a HANDFULL, they are sweet, cuddly, affectionate but boy!! they also come with their issues, mostly expected behaviour but that doesn't make all of it acceptable. We as positive parents have to now find a way to balance dealing with them as developing children and managing our expectations.

Some of the issues you might deal with your child in the toddler phase are;

• Not doing what you want them to do 
• Throwing things 
• Tantrums for no reason (but there's usually a reason if you dig deep)
• Hitting 
• Being defiant