It’s 8:21 PM, and I’m sitting on the floor between my children’s beds, typing away. The house is finally quiet, but my mind isn’t. I’m reflecting on the past few days—frustrating, overwhelming days.

I keep wondering: Is it me? Am I just stressed?
Or is it them? Are they just extra overactive this week?
It’s definitely them, right? Because, honestly, this week hasn’t even been that busy.

A few days ago, my son did something, and I spanked him. I don’t know if he was surprised because, while I’m a no-nonsense mum—full of consequences and threats—I rarely spank. But this day? This was one of those days. And honestly, I don’t regret it. It wasn’t one of those moments filled with guilt.

Why Are They Like This?

I don’t like this version of myself that I see when I’m pushed to my limits. The version where my kids act 100x worse when I’m around. Yes, I know it means they feel safe with me, but does it have to be this frustrating?

Why should it take them ten times longer to respond to me? Why do I have to repeat instructions like a broken record?

I’ve even started questioning the basics—like, how important is it really to take a bath every night? I mean, some people don’t bathe daily, right? What’s the actual worst that can happen if I let some things slide? If I let them keep ignoring me?

Motherhood vs. The Internet Version

Girrrrrllllll… I AM TIRED AND TRIGGERED!

I know it’s not just me, and I know it’s not just my kids either. But sometimes, it feels like my kids are the opposite of everyone else’s “good” and “well-behaved” children.

You know the ones—the perfectly captioned, aesthetically curated images with beige backdrops and an angelic child turning a new age. The ones where motherhood looks so effortless, so perfect. But on this side of the internet? Parenting isn’t perfect. My kids aren’t perfect. And right now, I’m just a tired mum, sitting on the floor in the dark, documenting this moment.

Someday Soon, This Too Shall Pass

It’s now 8:33 PM. One kid is still awake, tossing and turning, asking random questions—his restless mind refusing to shut down.

Boy, if you don’t sleep now…

Phew. I don’t know if this rant will make me feel better. But if nothing else, I want to remember this moment. Because someday soon, it will all converge and make sense. Someday soon, this too shall pass.

I still don’t know why my kids have been acting like this (maybe it’s the full moon?), but I’m holding onto hope that tomorrow will be a better day.

 One of the biggest questions you get when you say your child is not going to a traditional school is "How will he socialise?" this is one of the disadvantages people bring up about homeschooling which I would say is not a disadvantage at all. 

Let's talk about socialising! 

For us to better understand what this is all about let us define socialisation according to the dictionary;

a continuing process whereby an individual acquires a personal identity and learns the norms, values, behavior, and social skills appropriate to his or her social position.

Based on this definition, this is precisely what homeschooling is about, but we would guess that what people are mostly talking about is the social skills that are required to be learned by kids and individuals. So, what are the social skills that children are required to have;

• Sharing
• Cooperating
• Listening 
• Following Instructions 
• Respecting personal space 
• Making eye contact 
• Using manners 
• Taking turns 
• Helping others 
• Asking for help 
• Not interrupting 
• Waiting Patiently 

• Sharing: Share what you have with your child and make the conscious effort to ask your child for something that is for them too. This has to be done deliberately and often too. Say "Thank you" or "It's so nice of you to share your drink with mummy" over time they won't have a problem with sharing. 

• Cooperating: This is a tricky one because even from taking a bath in the morning, it is always a struggle but you have to continue to demonstrate the appropriate actions you expect and also say it to them. Be sure to give an advance warning before it is time "In 10 mins we would have to take a bath"

• Listening: Actively listen to your child whenever they call your attention to tell you the same thing for the 100th time, in modelling listening to them they know they should listen to you. Drop down to their level, call their attention and hold it. 

• Following Instructions: Start from single instructions "Hey baby, please come" then move on the multiple instructions "Hey baby, pick up the toy and bring it" While playing together or doing a craft you can continue to show them how to follow instructions. 

• Respecting personal space: Once your child can listen to simple instructions you can always tell them on different ways they can respect personal space e.g "Please knock the door" "Mummy is taking a bath right now, please come back later" encourage them to also take their space if they are upset or want to play alone "You can sit over there if you want to calm down" they won't always get it but as you remain consistent with the instructions they will get it. 

• Making eye contact: You have the opportunity to help them make eye contact with you everyday, while taking a bath, eating, playing. I usually say "Look at me" right before I say anything to ensure that he looks me in the eyes. If your child doesn't want to constantly make eye contact please consult your doctor. 

• Using manners: Showing and telling in everyday situations is the best way to go about this. If you want your child to say "Thank you" tell them "Thank you" if you want them to be polite, be polite not only to them but to everyone around you. They watch you for what to do and how to act. 

• Taking turns: Look out for opportunities in your day to take turns e.g taking baths for your child, give them the sponge and ask that they scrub themselves then you ask for your own turn, take turns in brushing their teeth, take turns in preparing for dinner/breakfast etc.   

• Asking for help; Encourage your child to ask for help but ensure you emphasize the need to try first. Children get frustrated easily as they are getting control of their emotions but you have to get down to their level and let them know they need to try first, use their words to tell you they need help if they can't do it. My son is 3 now and he is trying more before asking for help or throwing a tantrum. There will be a time that they will only throw a tantrum but you have to acknowledge their emotions and guide them on the appropriate approach. 

• Not interrupting: This one is very tricky around younger children, one approach I have seen around is teaching your child to stand beside you (while you are talking) and holding your hands as a way of indicating that they need your attention and you squeezing their hand to say you hear and will give them the attention they need as soon as you can. They way, they don't feel ignored. This will be hard to achieve with younger children but telling them early will be a sure way to achieve it faster. 

• Waiting Patiently: Start with something they are interested in and ask them to wait for it; e.g baking, they can practice waiting patiently as they watch the oven of their yummy goodies baking, waiting for water for swimming to fill up, waiting for tv time. Just be creative and see a way you can let them know the joys of delayed gratification. 

• No Tv very early: I have a lot more knowledge on the reasons why I shouldn't allow screen time so early and I am hoping to be able to put that knowledge to in motion. I don't know how it will work out because obviously, my son has TV time and don't know how practical it will be to not allow a baby watch the TV that is right there but hey! That's my intention.
• Try to sleep train earlier: I tried sleep training my son when he was little but it was such a hassle and I gave up too easily, so as he grew up we now only sleep trained again at 3 years old and now, he still wakes up every day at midnight without fail and that can be frustrating for me. 
• Get a high chair: I heard this from a mums24 when she was telling me about her daughter and the difference having a high chair made in her feeding habits and all. I didn't even get a high chair for my first but we got a table and chair for him when he turned 2 but he still will stand up and run around. I am hoping that the high chair will help with feeding.
• Start homeschooling earlier: I will be more purposeful with my child's learning from birth as against waiting till 1-year-old or 18 months. 
• Might breastfeed a little after 12 months: I would love to extend the breastfeeding till after 12 months, even if it is by pumping and storing. I felt guilty about how I stopped breastfeeding at 12months! 
• Enjoy the newborn phase more: My son's birth was something and I didn't get to enjoy the newborn phase as much as I would have loved to, I was depressed most of the time, so I intend to enjoy the newborn phase more when my second child comes, be happy and make the moments count.
• NO CO-SLEEPING!!!!! END OFF!!!! 😂😂😂

What will you/did you do differently with your second child?

We all have heard the studies that show that excessive screen time is not good for kids but how do you go about it for your addicted child? 

• Talk to them: Give them a warning before you start to cut it back. “Hey baby, so mummy noticed that you watch a lot of TV, I know you love your programs but mummy loves you more and wants to spend time with you, so from tomorrow we will start cutting back the time you spend watching tv so we can hang out, okay?” Or use a line that involves you telling them that too much tv is not good for them and you want what is best for them.

• Take away personal devices; if they have a personal device, take it away and use the TV, while it is a good strategy it also helps for them to know you are in control of when it comes on and when it goes off however with a personal device, they own it and there is a risk of them staying longer than necessary if the adults are watching their own TV. 

• Cut back on the hours one day at a time; What is the maximum time they spend daily? From the next day start cutting it down till you get to the number of hours you are happy with, ensure you give them warnings before the TV goes off. “You have 30 mins left and the TV goes off” and on and on till it’s time.

• As your child continues to get used to the new habit of not requesting for TV, ensure you reward them. Reward doesn’t have to be like sweets or anything a simple acknowledgement, “I noticed you’ve not asked for Tv for a few hours, way to go darling” or give a high five, anything that shows that you notice the new behaviour can be a reward. 

• Now give a designated TV time that they will look forward to and stick with it. If you want to do one hour daily - stick with it. If you want to do once a week - just stay consistent so they can look forward to it! 

• Have alternative activities in hand; Books, crafts, water play, free play, outdoor play etc. have alternative activities for your child to engage in when the tv or tab goes off.

How can you protect your children online?

1. Don’t call them by their real names online; not because you don’t want people to know their names but in future, if someone types your child's full name, it won’t bring out their life history.
2. Don’t show their faces; Again even if by chance they find out the pseudo name you gave your child online, there won’t be a face to the name and anyone that is not close enough to you or doesn’t meet you in this life won’t know what your child looks like, most especially if you are in the public eyes - they can have a normal life.
3. If you are not a blogger, any vital info of your child shouldn’t be out there; School, class, what they ate, where they play etc. This can be deduced by things like school drop-offs, uniform pictures, showing your trip to somewhere. Simple things like that.
4. Ask your family not to post their pictures and if they HAVE to, have the control: Let them ask for permission, give them the picture you want to be out there IF they have to post it and tell them not to tag you! Think about it, no one will really go and be searching for grandmas name to find your child.
5. Keep your account private: While this is not necessarily effective in my opinion but it is a level of care because there is an extra layer of security on your account but know that your pictures can still be downloaded.
6. Just don’t post their pictures. Simple. I know, we all want to talk about our kids that’s why we have a family Whatsapp group. Lol. If it’s itching me too much, I post to my sisters to see the wonders their nephew is doing.

How can a blogger know exactly what to post about their kids;

1. Know the long term consequences of sharing online and decide which you can live with
2. Be aware that your child can in the future tell you to stop posting about them, think about it and make a decision on what to post based on that.
3. Know that in some cases, some information cannot leave the internet. So, be guided before you post.
4. Be aware of all the risks and possible “weak points” you might have most especially if you have a larger audience and take extra caution.
5. If you are working with brands, let them know the boundaries (upfront) when your children are involved and be willing to let go of any opportunity that doesn’t respect those.

What are your thoughts? Should it be this serious?

Please help us (Us that don't have school to help us potty train) out! ⠀