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Practical things to implement as a stay at home mum with your spouse for security in case of loss || The Cuddle Blog

June 12, 2020

When we hear stories of women who have been done wrong by their spouses family after the death of the spouse our first response is always

*“That’s why you need to have a source of income as a wife”*



Without us knowing this continues to push the narrative that what stay at home mums are doing is not valuable and makes women rush into business with fear without properly thinking through what business entails. I understand that we cannot plan for death and more so how the family will react in this but what we can do is also try to make sure some things are in place in our families in the event of the death of any spouse. 



“Go and start a business” should not be the default answer because starting a business will not take care of the humiliation you’d feel from your supposed “family” or the fact that someone will come out of the blue to take everything you’ve built with your spouse for donkey years! No, having an income won’t take that hurt away! However, business is HARD!! It’s risky, it’s uncertain and you don’t want to be caught in a business that is just about money because that is hard to sustain - what if the “money” doesn’t come for a few years? You’d run to the next thing? At the expense of being able to fend for your children?

Here are some practical things to implement to limit the power any family can have over what you and your husband have built;

  1. Have an honest conversation with your husband: The place to start is to have an honest conversation with your husband. Let him not think you’re praying for him to die but it’s the reality of life. What will happen when you die? What will happen when I die? Let it be stated and let it be put in motion all the things that need to take place. 

  1. Start the process of including each other in legal documents: Yes, each other. Who is your next of kin on your documents, who is his next of kin on documents? Does anyone own a property before marriage? What are the steps needed to include the other party on the documents? 
  1. If your husband has a business, get part of the shares and be documented with your kids as directors or create a holding company: I don’t exactly know how this works but I know that someone that doesn't have shares cannot push you out. What is the process to add you to the list? This is not saying you’d do the business now, but just be included in the legal documents.

  1. Let properties be bought in the company name; If you have to now purchase a property and there is a business, buy the property in the company name (recently heard this from an older couple in business) that way with you and your children as the directors of the company you can always decide what to do with the property. Of course, we know that the legalities of business don't allow for one to make sauce decisions like that on the fly but the idea is that the husbands family cannot just decide without your consent.
  2. Life insurance: I know this is not exactly cheap but I know you don’t also have to pay it once, with life insurance you get a certain amount when your spouse dies.
  1. Let there be a will: Most importantly, let there be a will. You might think this is not important or you don’t have anything but it will be the only legally binding document that will make anyone backoff. When it is created, it will just be reviewed as time goes by. Asides from the husband writing a will, you as the wife should also know who the lawyer that is the custodian of the will is, this is to ensure that you are in the loop of things and nothing can happen behind your back.

All of this is said under the assumption that you are in a marriage that is between 2 people who are submitted to one another as it should be. I know it’s not the ideal situation for everyone and in those situations, I would still say keep having the conversation but don’t go into a business fueled out of fear of “what will happen” know that what you are doing as a stay at home mum is valuable and worthy of note.


Another thing to note is, anyone that thinks they need to take other people’s property because they are in a vulnerable position is absolutely in the wrong and will be held accountable to God and humanity. 



I am not saying stay at home mums shouldn’t run a business or earn money, I also know people who have had to let go of doing business for this journey of being a stay at home because it’s not an easy thing to combine. 



So, if you think you can run a business while being a stay at home mum ensure that you have the right information of what you need to know before you do start and I really pray and hopes it works out. 

Please let me know what you think.


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Why we need to take our children's privacy more seriously || The Cuddle Blog

March 29, 2019


I recently used the “Ask me a question” tag on Instagram and the only question I got from 2 different people is “Why don't you show your son's face?” I will give my reasons in this post.

The short answer to it is; The Internet never forgets

But let’s go to the long answer:

As much as we absolutely love our children and want to show them to the world, we need to see them as individuals who although might be little right now, have a future.

There are 2 ways to look at it, Privacy & Security.


Let’s start with Privacy:
We were not born in the age where our parents could plaster our lives all over the internet for the world to see. Now, Imagine this. Someone just has to type your name in Google and your baby pictures, video of your birth, your childhood, the food you ate, didn’t like all over the internet. How does that make you feel?

I still struggle with “How much is too much?” especially when you do choose to blog about your motherhood experience and I will share more on that later. Let’s go back to this privacy thing.

A situation happened earlier in the year where a 9-year-old girl found her mums article about her online and saw all the images she had been posting of her since she was a child and expressly told her mum to please stop posting about her online. Her mum refused but she said they came to a middle ground (Read more about it here)

Was daughter making a fuss? Was the mother right?

As an individual based on your personality, your worldview and experiences you don’t mind sharing your life but can you say the same for your child? When this mother was sharing her child's life online, she did it based on herself and the child is now old enough as has decided that she doesn’t want it. How are you sure your child will want it?

Children don’t understand the internet, until we explain it to them and I believe until we do (giving them the benefits and consequences of it) they should then give their consent if they would want that for themselves or not.
It would interest you to know that even if you delete something, the internet never forgets. It only takes a determined person to find it.

Another example is of a mum who shared something about her son online, she has deleted the original post (on the surface internet) but a screenshot of it still exists with the picture of her son and unless the person who posted that screenshot deletes it (It will always be there on the underground internet though), it would be there for when her son grows older and googles her name. Find the article here

Our children are entitled to their privacy, just as we are entitled to ours and make a choice as to what we want to post, when we want to post and on what platform. We should give our children the same choice.  
On Security:

There are bad people in the world and around us and as much as we would like to “God forbid” everything, it is there. I was watching one Instagram celebrity on snapchat a while ago and while she was careful not to show the name of her sons school while showing herself dropping him off, I caught a glimpse of a friend of mine who was the boys teacher and by knowing the creche she was in, I could easily find out the school she took her children to. I am not a bad person and I don’t wish any negative thing happens to her but do we all vet everyone that views our children's pictures? Or videos online?

Another perfect example is a blogger online who wished her daughter happy birthday with pictures of her only for her to see her daughters image on a guys page calling her “boo” she tried to report the image, the account and Instagram didn’t take it down. Imagine her horror! She doesn’t know this person from anywhere!!!!!

Images from your account can be downloaded and used, It is just not safe! She has since removed all her family pictures online.

Another analogy I use is, you know how you feel like you know some celebrities because you see them often on screen? That’s what happens when people see your children that you share online, everyone will greet them like they know them and children don’t know who is ‘bad’ and ‘good’.
Many things can be deduced from a single image and from series of your images, 2 and 2 can be put together.

How can you protect your children online?


  1. Don’t call them by their real names online; not because you don’t want people to know their names but in future, if someone types your child's full name, it won’t bring out their life history.
  2. Don’t show their faces; Again even if by chance they find out the pseudo name you gave your child online, there won’t be a face to the name and anyone that is not close enough to you or doesn’t meet you in this life won’t know what your child looks like, most especially if you are in the public eyes - they can have a normal life.
  3. If you are not a blogger, any vital info of your child shouldn’t be out there; School, class, what they ate, where they play etc. This can be deduced by things like school drop-offs, uniform pictures, showing your trip to somewhere. Simple things like that.
  4. Ask your family not to post their pictures and if they HAVE to, have the control: Let them ask for permission, give them the picture you want to be out there IF they have to post it and tell them not to tag you! Think about it, no one will really go and be searching for grandmas name to find your child.
  5. Keep your account private: While this is not necessarily effective in my opinion but it is a level of care because there is an extra layer of security on your account but know that your pictures can still be downloaded.
  6. Just don’t post their pictures. Simple. I know, we all want to talk about our kids that’s why we have a family Whatsapp group. Lol. If it’s itching me too much, I post to my sisters to see the wonders their nephew is doing.

If you are a blogger this portion is for you;

I still struggle with “How much is too much” when I share but I have my goal in front of me, which is to encourage, inspire and build a community of stay-at-home & Homeschooling mums. I weigh the picture(faceless) or content in light of this goal and I ask myself, “will this picture just bring me likes and comments?” then I don’t share those that fall into that category.

How can a blogger know exactly what to post about their kids;


  1. Know the long term consequences of sharing online and decide which you can live with
  2. Be aware that your child can in the future tell you to stop posting about them, think about it and make a decision on what to post based on that.
  3. Know that in some cases, some information cannot leave the internet. So, be guided before you post.
  4. Be aware of all the risks and possible “weak points” you might have most especially if you have a larger audience and take extra caution.
  5. If you are working with brands, let them know the boundaries (upfront) when your children are involved and be willing to let go of any opportunity that doesn’t respect those.
I understand that this might sound “too serious” and you may be in the “It’s not that serious gang” (Just like me a few years ago) but we have to understand that we are indeed responsible for our kids and their well being and we would be the first to be hit hard when something we took lightly isn’t so light anymore.

P.S: If you are a blogger and you have a URL you want to ‘erase’ from Google, use this link. Thank me later.

What are your thoughts? Should it be this serious?


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Debunking common myths told to new moms || The Cuddle Blog

February 26, 2018

 I have been a mum for 10 months now and I have heard A LOT of things - some of which I can't even remember. People - who mean well - will come at you with different suggestions, myths, advice. Some will shove it down your throat and expect you to take it as the gospel, others might just offer their support and gently nudge you in the direction you should go. One thing is for sure though, you will hear plenty of these things especially in the first few months but when you are without experience there is a tendency to take everything people tell you hook line and sinker most especially since "It is how people have always been doing it" but with every myth, advice we have to be careful to confirm with your Doctor and understand what works for your baby. 

 Here are a few myths that is regularly told to new mums; 
  • You will spoil your child by carrying him a lot and he would get used to it; When my baby was about a month old and in my opinion just wanted to be held, I got advice saying I should not carry him too much or he would be clingy when he is older and I should let him cry. I told my Dr Anne of @mums24 and she said "Imagine if watching him cry is traumatic for you, how do you think your baby feels" and that changed it for me. A baby will cry when he needs something or is uncomfortable, he/she is not trying to manipulate you when they are that young. Carry your baby, cuddle her as long as she wants, the truth is he will never go back to being that little again and you will start missing that stage. Now, my 10month old son is NOT clingy and I carried him every chance I got when he was little. 



  • Umbilical cord must fall off before 7 days: This one is an African thing. There is some sort of pressure for the Umbilical cord to fall off before the naming ceremony which I don't understand. The doctor will typically give you 1-2 weeks for it fall off, so I don't know why we put ourselves under undue pressure. The most important thing is for you to care for it properly and make sure it doesn't get infected. 



  • Babies crossing legs will not walk early: My question to you is why do you want your baby to walk early? Don't you just want your baby to walk when it is appropriate. The irony is once your baby starts walking you will then want him to sit in one place. Your baby is just crossing her legs because that is what feels comfortable at the time. My baby crossed his legs and from all indications would walk before he is 1. 



  • Baby belching while breastfeeding will make your breast hard: I was breastfeeding my baby once and my MIL was there and as the baby belched she just exclaimed "remove his mouth from your breast" and I was shook then I asked "Why" and she said "Your breast will be hard because of the air your baby blows in the breast" - the conversation happened in yoruba and I couldn't stop laughing. I am sure the women in the olden days didn't understand engorgement which is why they had to find a reason to explain it. My breast has recieved a lot of belch and not one hardness. 
  • Strands of wool will stop hiccups; I really don't know why we believe this works. It is absolutely ridiculous to say the least. Lol. I have even heard "It will only work if you believe in it" Do you put wool on your head when you hiccup? Why do you think it will then work because it's happening to a baby? Don't stress yourself. If your baby has hiccups and it's bothering you so much, give him breast milk or formula. 
  • Teething causes fever and different ailment: Teething doesn't cause fever or any other ailment. Imaging the tooth coming out, it opens up the gum while it might be uncomfortable or painful for the child that is not what causes the child to have fever. While the teeth is coming out, it's like an open wound and your baby who is crawling or touching different things puts that hand or that dirty toy in her mouth can infect the gum which can cause the child to come down with a fever. Your baby DOES NOT HAVE TO HAVE ANYTHING BECAUSE SHE IS TEETHING. Just make sure you keep the environment extra clean, keep them comfortable and cuddle more in that period. I only notice my child is teething when his sleeping pattern changes, he is a bit more cranky or his appetite for food reduces and BAM I see the teeth emerging and it's back to his regular routine. 

What myth sounds familiar and which myths have you been told? 

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Family Christmas Movies you can watch with reviews

December 14, 2017
 


I am a big fan of movies. Comedy, thriller, drama and romcoms are my go-to movies.  I would've loved Nigerian movies on this list but unfortunately we have not started creating themed family movies yet. In the process of creating this list, I found out that there are different genres of christmas movies (Horror, R18 etc) but since we are in the Christmas spirit and in the mood of creating Christmas family traditions I have come up with a list of family Christmas movies to watch.
The Grinch;

 Age 9+ 
"What parents need to know is this imaginative version of Dr. Seuss' beloved classic may be too intense and scary for the youngest or most sensitive kids. Ominous music accompanies the Grinch and his cartoon trouble making in multiple scenes. Jim Carrey, behind a rubbery green face, is the master of cackles and distorted facial expressions. A heroic little girl is in danger more than once. Kids who understand the difference between the real and the fantastical will delight in the chaotic, very funny mayhem. So will grown-ups. There are a few moments of crude humor along the way (i.e., the Grinch sticks his butt out and says, "Pucker up and kiss it," and several males ogle a buxom woman)" Common Sense Media

 White Christmas; 
Age 6+
"Parents need to know that one musical number rhapsodizes nostalgically about minstrel shows. But viewers don't see any blackface makeup or overt racist images; it's just verbal gags, and kids who don't know the history won't realize the degrading black stereotypes that gave rise to the patter." Common sense media

Get Santa; 
Age 10+ 
"Parents need to know that Get Santa is a British Christmas comedy about a son whose father, freshly released from prison, is determined to stay out of jail for good but finds himself tempted to break the law when the real Santa lands himself in jail and needs help. There are scenes about toughing it out in jail, divorced parents, childhood dysfunction that leads to a life of crime, some brawling, high-speed chases, a "hell" and an "oh, God" here and there, a punch or two, and a lot of rule- and law-breaking, all justified in the interest of saving the day. There's rude humor throughout, including reindeer who communicate exclusively by farting and a gun that shoots reindeer poop directly on a woman's face. Nothing terribly egregious, but the more mature themes and frequent prison setting probably make it best for older kids." common sense media

 Mickey's once upon a Christmas;

 Age 3+

"Parents need to know that this trio of holiday stories features many Disney favorites. The tales stress positive messages about love, caring, the spirit of giving, and the magic of the season. Parents should note that in the second story Max's neighbor tells him that there's no such thing as Santa. The tale's ultimate message is that  Santa is real because we believe in him, but the story could introduce a seed of doubt about Santa's existence"common sense media

Miracle on 34th Street; 
Age 6+
"Parents need to know that Miracle on 34th Street is a classic holiday tale with little objectionable content. The Macy's brand is a big focus, as is Santa over more religious aspects of the holiday. The little girl at the heart of the story, Susan (Natalie Wood), at first doesn't believe in Santa (because her mom has raised her as a realist) -- which could lead to questions from kids -- but ultimately she's proven wrong and becomes a stout believer in St. Nick " Common sense media

Elf; 

Age 8+
"Parents need to know Elf has some potty language and mild swearing ("pissed," "hell," "damn," etc.) and a few references to bodily functions, it's family friendly at its core. Even young kids will appreciate the humor inherent in this fish-out-of-water tale, although some might be upset that Buddy's mother died and that his father never knew about him. The few action sequences (galloping rangers chasing Santa in Central Park, a brief confrontation with a scary raccoon, and some scuffles in a department store) aren't really threatening, and no one is injured. Although the movie is 100% on board with the magic of Christmas, some characters shake their head and roll their eyes at the notion of Santa, and kids talk about the possibility of parents being the ones behind the presents. But the movie's overall message of the value derived from honesty, acceptance, and affection for all humanity is clear and positive" Common sense Media

Arthur Christmas; 

Age 5+ 
"Parents need to know that Arthur Christmas is a heartwarming animated holiday adventure that's a fine pick for the entire family. One brief scene of a group of startled wild animals and another of an angry homeowner wielding a gun may frighten very young kids, and there are a few jokes targeting parents -- like when Grandsanta explains that "in the old days," he once gave a double whiskey to an elf. But otherwise this movie provides a good reminder of the holiday spirit, family unity, and being generous" common sense media



Home Alone; 

Age 10+



"This is a good-natured, albeit unrealistic, family film that both kids and adults will enjoy if they're OK with the violence, profanity, and disrespectful behavior within the family. Its endearing story and a charming performance by Culkin make Home Alone a standout among the usual holiday movie fare. Without resorting to the all-too-adult double entendres that dominate current family films, this one focuses more on slapstick humor and innocence to convey its story. That said, that reliance on slapstick humor does means  it's chock full of semirealistic violence. It's not for the weak-stomached and definitely requires some major suspension of disbelief." Common sense media


Do you have any Family Christmas movie recommendation? Which of these movies have you watched? What are your thoughts?

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Fun Christmas Family Traditions you can start || The Cuddle Blog

December 7, 2017





Christmas has always been a very special holiday for me because of what it represents and now that I have a Child I get to teach him about Christ and the essence of his birth which is very special to me.

Growing up, our Christmas tradition was just like most Nigerian families, decorate your home at the beginning of December, wake up to my Mum frying puff puff and cooking up a storm - fried rice, Jollof rice, chicken - then going to Church and coming back to feast on all the food till you can no longer move. Now thinking about it, it sounds like the feasting that takes place during Thanksgiving in some other parts of the world.


Since I got married - 2 years ago - my husband is always busy during the Christmas holiday and we’ve not really had a tradition as it’s always a quiet day. Now, we have a child and I won't want him to think that Christmas is not worth celebrating because he has an hardworking Daddy, I would love him to grow up with a tradition that he can appreciate and enjoy even if we have to do it right before his father gets busy.


Here are a few Christmas family traditions you can start
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