We had our homeschooling conversation last month and it was indeed an amazing event. We had a virtual event and it was so much more than I could've imagined. 

2019 homeschooling conversation 

The theme for this year's conversation is "Homeschool paths" and the idea was to bring homeschooling parents to share with us the paths they have chosen. We decided to make the event virtual and we had about 80+ that attended and over 100 people that have watched the replay. 

Watch the replay of the 2020 Homeschooling conversation;

Here are the slides from my presentation 

You can also watch the first edition from 2019 too;

You can send an email to info@thecuddleblog.com for your feedback or questions. Thank you!

 I have a love-hate relationship with circle time.  First, I have to be animated, then I have to remember songs that I would rather not remember, It takes time for me to come into myself in the mornings and since our circle time is usually in the mornings it is so difficult to get myself in the zone. 

I listened to someone on a homeschooling conference and she spoke about how creating a playlist for her kids (who are older) helps them get going in the morning and the light bulb hit me. I needed to create a playlist that will basically help us get moving and help our circle time. 

If you are wondering what is circle time. 

According to https://childrencentral.net/ 

Circle time is a time for important social interactions among young children. It helps develop positive relationships between kids through engaging and fun activities. 

However in a homeschool setting it is different if you don't have multiple children, essentially it's just the time to set aside to interact with your child beyond "What do we have to do today" there is no limit to what you can do during circle time at the heart of it, it should be fun, engaging and something your child looks forward to and that is where singing and dancing comes into play. 

 Benefits of Circle time 

We are not all gifted to be animated and to enjoy this part of the "job" so we get help. I have created a playlist on Boom play that has various action songs, it can be a starting point for your own list, you can also search on the app for other songs you might be interested in. 

Click the link to the playlist. 

Do you currently do circle time in your homeschool? 

I really don't know how to start this article but I will just get right into it. This article will be about my thought process from the beginning to the point where I am at right now and I will start from the beginning. 

The time when you are sure you are not ready...

I have not been a huge believer of using long-term contraceptives when I still want to have kids but after having my first, I was too sure I wasn't going to have another one, like who will willingly want to go through that again? Sometimes I get the "Yimu" from people who have been in motherhood long enough and they assure me that I would change my mind but nah! I wasn't going to thankfully, my husband was with me on this but to still go get the long-term contraceptive? I didn't. Don't think this is a story of how I got pregnant without knowing, it isn't. 

The desire...

I think it was at the 2 years mark that I started having the desire for another child, it wasn't strong enough but strong enough to for hubby and I to actively stop trying not to get pregnant BUT my voice will still be the loudest "No" if anyone asks "are you ready for another child?" but I was hoping I can just "fall pregnant" without actively trying so I didn't have to overthink it. I'm sure God was having a good laugh at me. The desire began to grow as my son grew older and I saw the need for him to have a companion and beyond that as well, I just wanted us to grow as a family. The more I thought about it, the more I weighed the pros and cons of having a child at that very season of my life, I thought of all the things I would go through pregnancy and raising a toddler so I would push the thought all to the back burner. I still won't admit it to anyone (except hubby of course) that I desired to have another child because for some reason I felt ashamed.  

 The guilt... 

The guilt for having the desire to have another child will wash over me and more so even after a year of not actively trying and I didn't "fall pregnant" I would say to myself 

"You already have one, be thankful" 

"There are people that don't even have one, how are they supposed to feel" 

"Have you even been trying long enough?" 

"What if something went wrong during the last surgery" 

"Is it because of my diet"?

"There are people who are also TTC baby no 2 for years fall in line dear"

I felt like I didn't deserve to even have the desire to have another child and I don't even know where that came from, I kept all of these to myself and my husband didn't know I was kinda putting myself under the pressure because he was unbothered about it and it made me so furious and I still didn't say anything, again. Guilt. shame. I also didn't want "pity" statements so I kept it to myself. 

Insensitive comments... 

There are questions of concern and there are insensitive comments, one is welcome, one isn't. I am sure you can guess. 

All the "When will you have no 2?" questions from a sincere place from friends and family was really fine by me, they are just curious and I mean they should be, right? 

the ones that didn't sit well with me though;

"With what you are doing, you should have more than one child to validate your work" 

I have gotten comments like this in different forms, so, I really need to bring another child into this world because you think for me to be a mum/homeschooling blogger I have to have more than one child for what I am doing to have validation? Sigh! 

I almost for this singular comment didn't even want to have another child just to prove a point but at the end of the day, I am not living my life for anyone else so I take all the comments like a big girl and throw them in the trash where they belong. 

Finally admitting to myself...

About 6 months ago, I finally admitted out loud to myself and to my sisters this desire. It took me over a year for me to tell myself that it was okay to actually want another child. Children are a gift and if that is my only reason then that is fine. I then realised that it's because it's not happening on my clock is why I even have the time to think such nonsense and feel guilty about what I should be happy and excited about. I know a lot of people don't overthink this but I did and still do. I have gone through extremes of thought before I found myself in this place. 

Why am I sharing...

There is really not a lot said about TTC the second or 3rd time around and I can imagine why, you probably still have a lot on your plate with the other child(ren) you have there is really not much time to mop around and feel sorry for yourself much less take it to the public space, but if by me sharing this helps another person going through this to feel "seen" and know that they are not crazy for thinking the way they think then so be it. I am still extremely shy about it and I know that I will probably get the "pity" that I really do NOT want but Imma take it like G. Please don't be offended if I only respond with an emoji. 

I really wish a lot of people would be more vocal about the desire, the struggle and the hope they have. 

I've tried to get help...

I don't want to raise an alarm if there is no need for one, this article is majorly just about my thought process to TTC for no 2, not exactly all the things we have been doing, so, it's been roughly about 2 years of a mixture of not actively trying and actively trying but about a month ago, I decided to be open enough to give something a try to see if it will help but hey! Waiting is the name of the game. Lol. 

I have tried not to be sad about it (I might have cried a few times when I see my period but I shake it off quick) and just try to live my life also not pretending that oh sunshine and roses, nah! Just trying to trust God through the process and enjoy what is in front of me (while doing what I need to do) instead of chasing what can be. joo get? I know above all else God is with me through everything and I will continue to have joy in him regardless, so I am not sad/depressed about it. 

I think it goes without saying... 

No matter how close you are to a person, I think it's important for us to be sensitive with our words, how about asking questions from a genuine place rather than make statements without considering the person's emotions? 

So, yeah! That's the end of the article!  

• Sample grocery list, 
• Cleaning schedule for your home, 
• Sample market list, 
• Sample food time table for your toddler and 
• Other home resources 
• Editable Expense Tracker for your family expenses
• It also comes with a bonus of places to visit in Lagos and Abuja with your kids

 One of the biggest questions you get when you say your child is not going to a traditional school is "How will he socialise?" this is one of the disadvantages people bring up about homeschooling which I would say is not a disadvantage at all. 

Let's talk about socialising! 

For us to better understand what this is all about let us define socialisation according to the dictionary;

a continuing process whereby an individual acquires a personal identity and learns the norms, values, behavior, and social skills appropriate to his or her social position.

Based on this definition, this is precisely what homeschooling is about, but we would guess that what people are mostly talking about is the social skills that are required to be learned by kids and individuals. So, what are the social skills that children are required to have;

• Sharing
• Cooperating
• Listening 
• Following Instructions 
• Respecting personal space 
• Making eye contact 
• Using manners 
• Taking turns 
• Helping others 
• Asking for help 
• Not interrupting 
• Waiting Patiently 

• Sharing: Share what you have with your child and make the conscious effort to ask your child for something that is for them too. This has to be done deliberately and often too. Say "Thank you" or "It's so nice of you to share your drink with mummy" over time they won't have a problem with sharing. 

• Cooperating: This is a tricky one because even from taking a bath in the morning, it is always a struggle but you have to continue to demonstrate the appropriate actions you expect and also say it to them. Be sure to give an advance warning before it is time "In 10 mins we would have to take a bath"

• Listening: Actively listen to your child whenever they call your attention to tell you the same thing for the 100th time, in modelling listening to them they know they should listen to you. Drop down to their level, call their attention and hold it. 

• Following Instructions: Start from single instructions "Hey baby, please come" then move on the multiple instructions "Hey baby, pick up the toy and bring it" While playing together or doing a craft you can continue to show them how to follow instructions. 

• Respecting personal space: Once your child can listen to simple instructions you can always tell them on different ways they can respect personal space e.g "Please knock the door" "Mummy is taking a bath right now, please come back later" encourage them to also take their space if they are upset or want to play alone "You can sit over there if you want to calm down" they won't always get it but as you remain consistent with the instructions they will get it. 

• Making eye contact: You have the opportunity to help them make eye contact with you everyday, while taking a bath, eating, playing. I usually say "Look at me" right before I say anything to ensure that he looks me in the eyes. If your child doesn't want to constantly make eye contact please consult your doctor. 

• Using manners: Showing and telling in everyday situations is the best way to go about this. If you want your child to say "Thank you" tell them "Thank you" if you want them to be polite, be polite not only to them but to everyone around you. They watch you for what to do and how to act. 

• Taking turns: Look out for opportunities in your day to take turns e.g taking baths for your child, give them the sponge and ask that they scrub themselves then you ask for your own turn, take turns in brushing their teeth, take turns in preparing for dinner/breakfast etc.   

• Asking for help; Encourage your child to ask for help but ensure you emphasize the need to try first. Children get frustrated easily as they are getting control of their emotions but you have to get down to their level and let them know they need to try first, use their words to tell you they need help if they can't do it. My son is 3 now and he is trying more before asking for help or throwing a tantrum. There will be a time that they will only throw a tantrum but you have to acknowledge their emotions and guide them on the appropriate approach. 

• Not interrupting: This one is very tricky around younger children, one approach I have seen around is teaching your child to stand beside you (while you are talking) and holding your hands as a way of indicating that they need your attention and you squeezing their hand to say you hear and will give them the attention they need as soon as you can. They way, they don't feel ignored. This will be hard to achieve with younger children but telling them early will be a sure way to achieve it faster. 

• Waiting Patiently: Start with something they are interested in and ask them to wait for it; e.g baking, they can practice waiting patiently as they watch the oven of their yummy goodies baking, waiting for water for swimming to fill up, waiting for tv time. Just be creative and see a way you can let them know the joys of delayed gratification. 

• No Tv very early: I have a lot more knowledge on the reasons why I shouldn't allow screen time so early and I am hoping to be able to put that knowledge to in motion. I don't know how it will work out because obviously, my son has TV time and don't know how practical it will be to not allow a baby watch the TV that is right there but hey! That's my intention.
• Try to sleep train earlier: I tried sleep training my son when he was little but it was such a hassle and I gave up too easily, so as he grew up we now only sleep trained again at 3 years old and now, he still wakes up every day at midnight without fail and that can be frustrating for me. 
• Get a high chair: I heard this from a mums24 when she was telling me about her daughter and the difference having a high chair made in her feeding habits and all. I didn't even get a high chair for my first but we got a table and chair for him when he turned 2 but he still will stand up and run around. I am hoping that the high chair will help with feeding.
• Start homeschooling earlier: I will be more purposeful with my child's learning from birth as against waiting till 1-year-old or 18 months. 
• Might breastfeed a little after 12 months: I would love to extend the breastfeeding till after 12 months, even if it is by pumping and storing. I felt guilty about how I stopped breastfeeding at 12months! 
• Enjoy the newborn phase more: My son's birth was something and I didn't get to enjoy the newborn phase as much as I would have loved to, I was depressed most of the time, so I intend to enjoy the newborn phase more when my second child comes, be happy and make the moments count.
• NO CO-SLEEPING!!!!! END OFF!!!! 😂😂😂

What will you/did you do differently with your second child?

How do you deal with loss while you are mummy-ing? If I say I have the answers I will say it's a lie, what I have found that has worked for me;

• Take each day as it comes: I took each day as it came, I remember the times we had, our conversations and mostly push aside any emotion I feel - which might not be good - but it was all I could get.
• Let a trusted person have your child(ren) for a while so you can carefully process your loss: In the first week, my husband just tried to let my son not disturb me too much but in all honesty, I wish I could just be left alone for like a whole month but we know that is not possible right? 
• Accept all the help you can get
• Ask for alone time: This is the first time alone without my son since it happened and I asked for alone time, enough time for me to let the flood of emotions wash over me and really really accept that it happened and hopefully accept the reality.  
• Take all the time you need to heal, don't try to snap out of it especially when the world has moved on from the loss: It will feel like the world has moved on and it indeed will but taking small small chunks of the hard pill in order to facilitate the healing is great help. 
• Find someone to talk to: To be honest, I've not really spoken to anyone about how deeply this still hurts but I guess writing this is also some form of therapy for me. Aring out my feelings.
• Draw your children close, they bring so much laughter and joy to wherever they are; As much as the fast pace of my life with my child has not allowed me to process a lot of my feeling, the presence of my child brings so much joy and laughter into my life and makes me less moody and I can't imagine the hole I would've sunk into if I wasn't forced to stay joyful because of him.