Lagos Mum
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What I will do differently with my second child || The cuddle blog

August 6, 2020
In living life with my toddler, I see a lot of things that I would love to do differently with my second child (God willing) and I decided to make a list of my own and ask other mothers in our community so I will share my own and what other mums said about the topic. 



I have read from other mums who said they said they would do things differently but when the child came it was so different and it didn't happen from a realistic perspective, just like when we say we will do certain things when we have children and do the exact opposite when they come. 

While I know that children are different and you won't be dealing with the same things, I believe that we can plan and prepare for the best for our next child especially as we have the gift of experience to put things in perspective for us! 

So, here is my list;

  • No Tv very early: I have a lot more knowledge on the reasons why I shouldn't allow screen time so early and I am hoping to be able to put that knowledge to in motion. I don't know how it will work out because obviously, my son has TV time and don't know how practical it will be to not allow a baby watch the TV that is right there but hey! That's my intention.
  • Try to sleep train earlier: I tried sleep training my son when he was little but it was such a hassle and I gave up too easily, so as he grew up we now only sleep trained again at 3 years old and now, he still wakes up every day at midnight without fail and that can be frustrating for me. 
  • Get a high chair: I heard this from a mums24 when she was telling me about her daughter and the difference having a high chair made in her feeding habits and all. I didn't even get a high chair for my first but we got a table and chair for him when he turned 2 but he still will stand up and run around. I am hoping that the high chair will help with feeding.
  • Start homeschooling earlier: I will be more purposeful with my child's learning from birth as against waiting till 1-year-old or 18 months. 
  • Might breastfeed a little after 12 months: I would love to extend the breastfeeding till after 12 months, even if it is by pumping and storing. I felt guilty about how I stopped breastfeeding at 12months! 
  • Enjoy the newborn phase more: My son's birth was something and I didn't get to enjoy the newborn phase as much as I would have loved to, I was depressed most of the time, so I intend to enjoy the newborn phase more when my second child comes, be happy and make the moments count.
  • NO CO-SLEEPING!!!!! END OFF!!!! 😂😂😂
Here are what some other mums said they will do/have done differently;

"Placing the child on a routine from two months, no plenty carrying, introduce a wide variety of foods and fruits from 6 months and more😀" - @nittigrattakids 

"I learnt not to be impatient with their learnings after my experience with my first child. Learning takes time for children and every child learns differently. All the fuss and anxiety are unnecessary and we tend to pile much learning on them way too early." - @mums24 (she has 3 kids)

"The most significant thing that comes to mind is that I'm dealing with 'Terrible Twos' better with my second than my first. I knew what to expect. I have as firmer when we started potty training, and I learnt a better way to introduce solids. It's absolutely delightful watching them play together (the fights are not fun 🤕) vs when my first would be called a loner because he always stayed by himself and played alone." - @Importeddiapers_ng

"My second is 4 months old. I started placing him in his cot right from the hospital so he is used to it. That's where he sleeps. Breastfeeding didn't hurt unlike the first where my nipples bled for the first week. I didn't buy too many unnecessary things. I also let him soothe himself to sleep instead of relying on the boobs" - @queen_Olaide1

"With my second i did things differently and it worked. From preparation for birth to feeding to what to wear. Basically, i look at and appreciate every phase differently" - @dees.craft.corner

"I would not introduce bottle to my 2nd child certainly" - @doyinfalodun 

"Sleep train and potty train them earlier 😁👌 and of course learn to enjoy them because they truly grow up very quickly" - @mummyclinicc 


"I think I'm just going to stress less. The newborn stage with my first wasn't fun for me at all. I will be intentional about enjoying my second being a baby." @thatjournalista

"I definitely do some things differently the second time around. What worked for the first won’t necessarily work for the second! You have to take it all as it comes." - @Jessbaumgardner 

"One thing I said I was going to do and I did, is to sleep when baby sleeps. Works like magic, it helps me a lot, especially in the early phase." - @auntylanre 

"I learnt to chill out more - I’ve got a second one now and because I can see with my first that they go through phases and those phases pass I enjoyed the experience with my second more so. I also learnt to cherish it more as you realise how precious the time is and how quickly it goes" - @tntkidventures 

"I listened more and I screamed less." - @the_millennialwoman

" I will record more moments. I love looking back and seeing how we've grown as a family and how my baby has grown" - @oloriadedotun

I know that reality might be different if/when it happens that's why I will(God willing) be here to come to give you the gist after. Over to you

What will you/did you do differently with your second child?



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Homeschool Jan 2020: What were we up to? || Homeschooling in Nigeria

February 12, 2020
Yay! 
Welcome to our Homeschooling update. When we started this year, I knew we couldn't give weekly update like last year because I didn't anticipate how much the holiday will affect our routine, It's still February and we have still not recovered but we are getting there slowly but surely. 

I made a whole spreadsheet for the year in order to keep me accountable and so far we have followed it, I am actually happy about it, although we have seriously cut back on the number of activities we do during the day and there's been no pressure at all. 

At the end of 2019, I walked the people in the homeschooling group on the basics of homeschooling and it got me thinking again about my philosophy on education what path we wanted to choose as a family and I think I finally decided on one. I think. Lol (You'd see it at the end)

I took lessons from choosing a path , 2019 homeschooling journey and used it while I was working on our plan this year and it made me make better decisions, focus on what was important and not fuss over what I thought it should look like in my mind. I shared in an insta live session on how I planned for the year and posted on Youtube 

Themes we explored in January:
  • All about me
  • Home
  • Personal Health 
  • Family

We had a great time and also squeezed in about 3 outings (Freedom Park, Nike art Gallery & Laterna Bookstore)
See Our Image gallery for January below (If you want me to share the exact things we did let me know) ; 



"How many pom-poms can the hand hold?"

Make a face


Gross motor cards 



Stones for painting

Out the face together 

Family Sensory bin




Walk the road less travelled 




Freedom Park




Laterna

Washing Hands


Making a car 


Nike art gallery



Baking with Aunty Cakesbylonpe


Family Tree


Exploring the outdoors


Houses

The Making 

Reading 

Who is in your house


Catapult 



So, I realised I am leaning more towards, unschooling and unit study educational philosophy, Let's see how that plays out.
What does your homeschool look like in 2020?
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Lessons from the Lagos Mums Parenting Conference 2018 || #LagosMums2018

October 16, 2018

It was the lagos mums 2018 parenting conference over the weekend and I was so excited to attend for the first time. The conference happened at the Habour point and while I got in a bit late, when they started the first session which was tagged: Parenting today - It starts with the parent which had Mr Lanre Olusola, Mrs Yetty Williams and Mrs Dakore Akande on the panel.
My excited face.
The summary of the session was;

  • For us to parent our children, we first need to parent ourselves. 
  • Our emotional and mental health is very important so we don't project it to our children. Get help where you need it, it is nothing to be ashamed about.
  • Have a vision for your family, the kind of home you want to create. The climate you want to have in your home and be mindful about making it happen. 
  • Parenting is about helping God to birth the mandate and destiny of your child, so they can do the same for their children too. 
  • You can change the atmosphere of your home with Music, laughter, joy 
  • They things you don't want your children to do, don't do it. 
  • The things you don't want your children to say, don't say it. 
  • The lifestyle you don't want your children to live, don't live it. 
  • Be an intentional parent. 
  • Invest in the formative years (0-7) years of your child to instill the right values in them. 
  • You are raising adults. First see them that way and walk backwards. 
  • Remember you are only a vessel. God is your childrens first father. 
The next session was on understanding millennials and generation z which had Mrs Abi Longe, Mr Taiwo Akinlami, Mrs Joy Isa and Dr Orode Doherty on the panel.  

The summary of the session was; 

  • When your children are approaching the adolescent age, you have to know what is normal for them at that age. Pushing boundaries, mood swings, mild experimentation. It is important when you know what is normal and what is not normal, so you know what to expect and when to ask for help. You choose your battles, don't show fear or disappointment.
  • Have a doctor for your children.
  • You cannot use analog minds to train digital minds. Don't victimize the internet, learn it so you can understand it to better position yourself to train your children. 
  • Don't restrict your children to the educational system. They must go through personal development. 
  • The internet can accelerate mental illness. Let there be a balance. 
  • The world has become a global village. The world is pushing the moral boundries and our children are exposed to all these things. It is important we instill the right values in them. What do you as a parent believe in because your children are either a victim or beneficiary of your value system
  • We are raising super brains. 
  • Allow them make their mistakes.
  • When you start parenting adults the life you live is what they would be looking at. 
  • Have conversations with them and let them know the "why". 
  • It is not about you or the joneses - let them go, allow them.







The next session was on financing the future which had Mrs Tosin Fowowe, Miss Arese Ugwu and Mrs Bowale Agboade on the panel.

The summary of the session was;
  • Teach your kids the value of money. From the age of 2-4 let them start saving in a piggy bank. 
  • By the age of 6 they can do extra chores around the house to get money. 
  • Women need to save to build and not save to spend. 
  • Remember, you will lose money but you will also gain. Go through the process. 
  • The family as a unity need to come together to map out what everyone will do to contribute financially to the home. 
  • The aim to raise financially literate children who understand the value of money and are not entitled.
  • There are other life lessons they learn when they decide to become kid entrepreneurs e.g negotiation skills, communication skill etc.  
  • As women we must become financially literate and take advantage of investment opportunities 



The next session was on healthy living which had Tamara Egbedi, Rayo Abe, Patrick Ijewere and Damola Ladejobi on the panel. 

The summary of the session was;

  • Be mindful when you eat. 
  • Eat for nutrition and not to be full
  • Take responsibilities for your health. 
  • You don't only get things into the body through the mouth. You also get things into the body through, the nose, skin and genitals. Read labels on the things that go into your body. Your body cream, food, air freshner etc. anything that you cannot pronounce should not be made use of. 
  • Buy organic and eat fresh. 
  • You mind, your thoughts and spiritual health also contribute to your health and wellness.
  • Walk in nature. 

The final session was on parents keeping it real which had Kehinde Nwani, Stephen Omojuyigbe, Chika Okorafor Aneke, Titilola Vivour-Adeniyi on the panel. 

At this point, I was having a very terrible headache and wasn't really paying attention but they generally had discussions about the changes in the world with regards to kids, dealing with homosexuality and answering questions from teenage children. One of the main things I took away is for us the parents if we find ourselves in any situation to not shame the child in any way, remove the act committed from the person, deal with the issue and not with the person. 

There were a verity of vendors- with discounted prices and product samples, jollof rice was provided by Maggi and water by nestle.




All in all, I had an amazing time and learnt a lot and a conference I would love to attend again. Did you attend the conference? What did you learn?
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I don't want to parent better than my parents

July 2, 2018




I recently saw on a friends insta story that your Job as a parent is more than paying school fees  and I got curious and asked him what else do parents owe their children and we went on to have a discussion and based on that discussion there are something I think we need to talk about.


I remember my Dad always said something along the lines of just owing us just education and I started to wonder on the part of our parents, why did they think that they owed us only education?


  • Struggle; Most of our parents had to struggle to get an education, you had to have a some worth enlightened father or mother who took education seriously. Some of them had to watch their parents do menial jobs for them to be sent to school and they promised to do better so they could afford education for their kids. 
  • They saw the benefit; How they had a better life compared to their parents or other peers that did not go to school. 
  • They Genuinely believed it; They really believed in the idea that it was all they owed their kids. 
I know that not all parents are like this but majority of parents in this side of the country believe that and invariably act accordingly. There were definitely consequences for this mentality and the biggest of all is relationship. In these kind of families, when the children grow older there might be a relationship with the kids but it is usually on the surface level, the parents are no longer "interested" in what their children are up to and the children sort of know how the conversation will go at the end of the day that they give up trying to reach out. 

So what next? 


The children in such situations make the resolve to do better as parents. Right, right?

I really don't blame the parents, it is probably all they knew and if we really look at it, is it not the education they fought to expose us to that makes us know to do better? Think about it. If they didn't give us an education, we would be fighting different kinds of battles in life that we won't have the luxury to think about what and what your parents didn't do. Lol. 

We the children, who have now become parents, need to see our own parents as imperfect people who did the best they could with the best that they were exposed to because you will not always get it right with your child as well. 

I also don't think we should approach parenting as "I have to do better than my parents" because we would be so obsessed with getting that one thing they failed at right there is a tendency to neglect other important aspects of bringing up your child. I would say, read, know what it takes to bring up a well rounded child, listen to peoples experiences, learn, unlearn, relearn,; know what is valuable to you and commit to teaching and nurturing your child on that path. 


So, I don't want to do better than my parents. I just want to raise a well rounded child. This I commit to doing, so help me God.

What are your thoughts? I would love to know.

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