When you go through a deep loss and it's a time for you to mourn that might require you to sit with yourself in deep reflection but you can't do that because you have children.

How do you grieve when you have little children depending on you? 

Like a friend said "You just have to get up and be fine" because, in all honesty, there is so much sadness you can continue to show around little children most especially if they don't have the capacity to understand why mummy is sad and crying. It can be really difficult.

I lost someone dear to my heart sometime in March and I had to shelve my pain and hurt after the first week because life with children is so fast-paced and it goes from one activity to the next without you really getting a breather. It's even worse with this new normal that we are dealing with but the grief is in one corner of your heart waiting to pounce.

How do you deal with loss while you are mummy-ing? If I say I have the answers I will say it's a lie, what I have found that has worked for me;

  • Take each day as it comes: I took each day as it came, I remember the times we had, our conversations and mostly push aside any emotion I feel - which might not be good - but it was all I could get.
  • Let a trusted person have your child(ren) for a while so you can carefully process your loss: In the first week, my husband just tried to let my son not disturb me too much but in all honesty, I wish I could just be left alone for like a whole month but we know that is not possible right? 
  • Accept all the help you can get
  • Ask for alone time: This is the first time alone without my son since it happened and I asked for alone time, enough time for me to let the flood of emotions wash over me and really really accept that it happened and hopefully accept the reality.  
  • Take all the time you need to heal, don't try to snap out of it especially when the world has moved on from the loss: It will feel like the world has moved on and it indeed will but taking small small chunks of the hard pill in order to facilitate the healing is great help. 
  • Find someone to talk to: To be honest, I've not really spoken to anyone about how deeply this still hurts but I guess writing this is also some form of therapy for me. Aring out my feelings.
  • Draw your children close, they bring so much laughter and joy to wherever they are; As much as the fast pace of my life with my child has not allowed me to process a lot of my feeling, the presence of my child brings so much joy and laughter into my life and makes me less moody and I can't imagine the hole I would've sunk into if I wasn't forced to stay joyful because of him.
Dealing with loss (of anything) is a personal journey and it's different for different people, just ensure to take your time on your journey to healing. I really do wish you all the best and do hope you take time to heal. 

What's your experience with dealing with loss as a mum?