Yesterday (June 8) was the world's best friend day apparently. I don't have a lot of best friends and my trust in female friendships has really dwindled based on some not-so-pleasant experiences from Uni. 

I didn't realize how much that experience affected my future friendships until when I became a mum and forming mum friendships became really difficult. It's easy to have on-the-surface conversations about our motherhood experiences without really forming a deep bond with the person and honestly that's what I've done. I take a back seat in groups in order to avoid any drama that arises. I try to stay objective with my views, avoiding conflict as much as possible but I must say female friendships is not exactly my forte.  

I know there are some set of people who generally frown at male-female best friend relationships (which are just purely friendships) but my best friend for so many years is a guy, through romantic relationships, religion, career decisions, family, life issues we have grown so much without the drama and that's exactly what I love about the dynamics. I also love now that I can give him advice based on a females perspective that can help him make better decisions as a husband/father and vice versa. 

In the new female friendships I have, I try to be very cautious and not rush into anything. Working my way from acquaintance to close friendships while I still put a boundary but I let the ones I have to grow naturally without forcing them before gradually removing the boundaries that I set. I know some of how I deal with friendships is not healthy but it's kept me sane. 

Here are some things I have learnt over the years that guide me in my mummy friendships;

  1. That mummy friend that is my best friend in my mind, I don't also have to be her best friend. What I mean is, it is okay if I am not her best friend yet I consider her my best friend. 
  2. Have respect and understanding for your mummy friends. Being a mum is not easy, extending some grace to your friend should be all that matters. Respect their decisions & boundaries, try to understand what drives them. It will help your relationship flourish. 
  3. Pick up the phone and call. Don't guilt-trip your friend because they haven't called in a while. I mean, is something wrong with your own phone? 
  4. Think deeply about what you would like in your friendships, what quality you'd like in your friend, and exhibit those qualities to someone else. Be the friend you need to someone else without seeking anything in return. 
  5. Have difficult conversations. I am learning to stop avoiding conflict and be willing to have difficult conversations in my relationships. It's not enough to 
  6. Have that one person you KNOW will always have your back, no judgment, no airs, nothing. Find that person and hold on tight. Life is indeed richer with amazing relationships. 

I am really looking forward to once again having a really close friend that stays close to my house that we can really do life together but till then we make do with all the long-distance friendships with have and enjoy it while it lasts. 

What guides your mummy friendships?