June 2021 / The Cuddle Blog

Stay at home mum spotlight: Lois Leke-amoo

June 18, 2021

Lois is a friend of mine and I've known her for about 3 years now if i'm not mistaken. Amazed at her strength and tencity. Today the spotlight is on her SAHM journey as she shares her heart with us, you can find her talking about her motherhood journey @thismotherhoodthingy

1. Please introduce yourself

My name is Lois Leke-Amoo. I'm a stay-at-home Mum, author, and a graphics designer.

2. How many kids(with ages) do you have and how long have you been a stay-at-home mum?

I have an amazing 2year old and I've been a stay-at-home Mum since she was born. Before sef if you will. Lol

3. What did you do before making the decision to be a sahm?

I was running a jewelry company that made unique and beautiful jewelry for both males and females.

4. What was your thought process like while making the decision?

For me, it wasn't like I had a choice. My daughter was born premature so I had to stay at home and care for her...even though I always wanted to homeschool and knew being a stay-at-home Mum might be what will work... still, having a premature baby wasn't how I pictured it will happen. Lol.

5. What has been your challenges so far?

The major challenge is not making as much money. Before I got married, I was used to sorting myself out and making 'my money'. So now, not making so much has been....hmmm...but since it's something we both agreed to, I keep that in view when I feel weird.

6. What do you absolutely love about being a sahm?

Experiencing every moment with my daughter! Not missing fun times and even the annoying ones too. They are growing me. I love the bonding too.

7. One of the things that a lot of the people talk about with regards to being a sahm is "How to make money?" What has your journey with making an income been like as a sahm?

Hehehe. People should leave stay at home Mum's alone. We honestly should be paid because managing a home and catering to children is not for the faint-hearted o. My journey with income-making has been very up and down. Many months I don't make a dime and then some inflow comes.

Late last year, I started looking inwards for ways to make money and not kill myself or overload my already busy schedule. I wrote a book about all I'm learning as a Christian toddler Mum and the response has been awesome. I also ventured into graphics design and while that isn't making money for me yet...I'm very excited about the future

8. How do you currently make money (if you do)?

I think I already answered that. Winks.

9. What do you think are some of the misconceptions people have about being a sahm?

The major misconception is that stay at home Mum's are taking the easy way out. Allowing just the man to 'hustle' while they 'cruise'. If only they know the work involved ehn. The other one is the whole pressure to make money! Gosh. Relax people! Let her understand everything being a sahm entails and then trust me, she will start to think about money-making. But to put that pressure on her is grossly unfair and insensitive.

10. Have you gotten any negative comments about your decision?

A lot. Especially on making money or doing something with myself other than being a Mum. Mhen it was hard. But thank God for the husband I married. He kept assuring me that I was doing just fine.

11. Have you dealt with doubt or low self-esteem because of your decision?

Yes, many times. There will always be seasons of doubt...but I have learned to pray about them and voice them out to my hubby. Sometimes all I'm thinking is all in my head and the reality of the matter is totally different.

12. How important do you think having a supportive spouse is on this journey?

150% important o. If you don't have a supportive spouse...it's like a death trap! You and your spouse must agree over and over again that this decision is joint because it will affect both of you and sometimes test the marriage as well.

13. What do you do to take care of yourself/have fun?

Read a book, watch a movie, dance with my toddler, go out with friends.

14. What advice would you give a mum who is currently thinking of becoming a sahm?

Be sure of your WHY. Write it down. Agree with your husband how long you wanna do this and the necessary nitty-gritty. Lastly and most importantly, pray, pray, and pray again!

Simple guide to drama-free mummy friendships

June 9, 2021

Yesterday (June 8) was the world's best friend day apparently. I don't have a lot of best friends and my trust in female friendships has really dwindled based on some not-so-pleasant experiences from Uni.

I didn't realize how much that experience affected my future friendships until when I became a mum and forming mum friendships became really difficult. It's easy to have on-the-surface conversations about our motherhood experiences without really forming a deep bond with the person and honestly that's what I've done. I take a back seat in groups in order to avoid any drama that arises. I try to stay objective with my views, avoiding conflict as much as possible but I must say female friendships is not exactly my forte.

I know there are some set of people who generally frown at male-female best friend relationships (which are just purely friendships) but my best friend for so many years is a guy, through romantic relationships, religion, career decisions, family, life issues we have grown so much without the drama and that's exactly what I love about the dynamics. I also love now that I can give him advice based on a females perspective that can help him make better decisions as a husband/father and vice versa.

In the new female friendships I have, I try to be very cautious and not rush into anything. Working my way from acquaintance to close friendships while I still put a boundary but I let the ones I have to grow naturally without forcing them before gradually removing the boundaries that I set. I know some of how I deal with friendships is not healthy but it's kept me sane.

Here are some things I have learnt over the years that guide me in my mummy friendships;

That mummy friend that is my best friend in my mind, I don't also have to be her best friend. What I mean is, it is okay if I am not her best friend yet I consider her my best friend.
Have respect and understanding for your mummy friends. Being a mum is not easy, extending some grace to your friend should be all that matters. Respect their decisions & boundaries, try to understand what drives them. It will help your relationship flourish.
Pick up the phone and call. Don't guilt-trip your friend because they haven't called in a while. I mean, is something wrong with your own phone?
Think deeply about what you would like in your friendships, what quality you'd like in your friend, and exhibit those qualities to someone else. Be the friend you need to someone else without seeking anything in return.
Have difficult conversations. I am learning to stop avoiding conflict and be willing to have difficult conversations in my relationships. It's not enough to
Have that one person you KNOW will always have your back, no judgment, no airs, nothing. Find that person and hold on tight. Life is indeed richer with amazing relationships.

I am really looking forward to once again having a really close friend that stays close to my house that we can really do life together but till then we make do with all the long-distance friendships with have and enjoy it while it lasts.

What guides your mummy friendships?