Let me do a quick review of the ones I have watched;

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Blackish: 8/10 Real life issues in a funny way, light-hearted.

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Superstore: 7/10 borderline silly but funny, just a laugh it off show to pass time, nothing serious. 

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New girl: 9/10 This show is actually funny, they don't do it again but it was fun when I watched it. 

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Big Bang Theory: 10/10 Hilarious show! Pass time but also can give you deep belly laughs 

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How to get away with murder: 9/10 The show declined as the seasons went higher but it is a real suspense-filled show. One of my favs 

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Agents of Shield: 10/10 Creepy, suspense, thrilling what more can I say? If you are into that kind of stuff, you'd love this show! I am literally at the edge of my seat. 

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Prodigal son: 9/10 There is just one season of this so far but it's a thrilling crime, detective, 'dark' series, the sound engineering for the series is another reason I love the show, edge of my seat type of show! Love it!!! 

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Stranger things; 9/10 Just like the name sounds, filled with strange things. It can mess with you, I watched just one season but I enjoyed it, just didn't have the stomach to watch the rest. 

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Power: 7/10 Drugs, actions, betrayal, guns, strong language. It was a good show but I didn't like how it ended, such an anti-climax for a 'power-packed' show. 

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Stumptown: 8/10 This one is also new action, crime, investigation and all. Light-hearted action series. I enjoy it too. 

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Chicago P.D: 7/10 You know those detective movies that it's the pattern each week? Yeah, but I just love the Oga and his ways of dealing with the crimes. It has also declined as the show progress

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Crown: 10/10 Love the history, how I can just go and google whatever the episode was about and read up on it. Great great acting. 

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The good wife: I don't know how to rate this show but mhen, it was a great show, I watched it after it aired and just couldn't get enough if you're into law drama, this one is a great one. 

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Jane the virgin: 9/10 mother of all the "feel good" series, telenovela like never before but also great love stories! 

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Suits: 9/10 Another great law series, I love this one for the dialogue... Chai, it's always so refreshing! 

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This is us: 10/10 Another feel so good series, go through history of a family's story, twists, turns, joys, tragedy and how they deal with it. It always has me in my feels! Awesome show!

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Greys Anatomy: I can't rate this one because I've not actively followed it but I know it's a great show worth trying, I want to start from season 1 because I need something to keep me busy. 

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Working Moms: Not watched this one but I hear it's a relatable show. 

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The good fight: 7/10 Spin-off of The good wife, great law series too. I just don't like that there is too much Trump talk, but I love all the law banter 

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The good place: 6/10 The explore the concept of the after-life, philosophy in a funny way, it is a silly pass-time adventurous series 

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Pearson: 8/10 It's a spin-off of suits but it was cancelled after season 1 and I don't even know why because it had promise but you can enjoy the one season. 

Which ones have you watched/are you watching? 

When we hear stories of women who have been done wrong by their spouses family after the death of the spouse our first response is always

*“That’s why you need to have a source of income as a wife”*

Without us knowing this continues to push the narrative that what stay at home mums are doing is not valuable and makes women rush into business with fear without properly thinking through what business entails. I understand that we cannot plan for death and more so how the family will react in this but what we can do is also try to make sure some things are in place in our families in the event of the death of any spouse. 

“Go and start a business” should not be the default answer because starting a business will not take care of the humiliation you’d feel from your supposed “family” or the fact that someone will come out of the blue to take everything you’ve built with your spouse for donkey years! No, having an income won’t take that hurt away! However, business is HARD!! It’s risky, it’s uncertain and you don’t want to be caught in a business that is just about money because that is hard to sustain - what if the “money” doesn’t come for a few years? You’d run to the next thing? At the expense of being able to fend for your children?

Here are some practical things to implement to limit the power any family can have over what you and your husband have built;

All of this is said under the assumption that you are in a marriage that is between 2 people who are submitted to one another as it should be. I know it’s not the ideal situation for everyone and in those situations, I would still say keep having the conversation but don’t go into a business fueled out of fear of “what will happen” know that what you are doing as a stay at home mum is valuable and worthy of note.


Another thing to note is, anyone that thinks they need to take other people’s property because they are in a vulnerable position is absolutely in the wrong and will be held accountable to God and humanity. 

I am not saying stay at home mums shouldn’t run a business or earn money, I also know people who have had to let go of doing business for this journey of being a stay at home because it’s not an easy thing to combine. 

So, if you think you can run a business while being a stay at home mum ensure that you have the right information of what you need to know before you do start and I really pray and hopes it works out. 

Please let me know what you think.

I recently had a 3 days virtual hangout with a group of mums, we talked about different things. From being parents to toddlers, potty training, sleep training & home educating your child. Here are some of the things we talked about; 

* Toddlers are emotional human beings and all strategies are not one size fits all but we can have a couple of options to help us make handling them better for us. 

* We agreed that crying and whining is not necessarily for no reason while they might have a hard time expressing themselves but we should always connect with them & acknowledge their emotions.

* All feelings are valid but not all behaviour is acceptable. Acknowledge the feelings and continue to reiterate better behaviour 

* Model what you want them to do

* Consistency with our instructions and leading is key 

* Forgive your toddler in advance for all the things they will do to you in the day before the day starts and after each tantrum or anything, try to refresh in your mind like they didn't just do it, so we can be less frustrated by them. 

* Give them 2 choices you are fine with and let them pick from those choices

* Use positive statements, instead of saying "Don't run" or "stop jumping" give them the alternative of what to do, because saying "don't run" leaves them hanging and we are not telling them what to do instead. So, give them the option of what to do.. Instead of "don't run" say "Please, walk" instead of "stop shouting" say "Use your inner voice" so basically find positive alternatives. 

* We also agreed that children are not really lazy they are just not interested in that thing we want them to do, an option is to anchor what we want them to do as a prerequisite for what they want to do. e.g Clean up the living room then you can play your video games 

* Another mum talked about Consequences, have the talk in advance, you lose your tv privileges for a few days or few hours if you do Xyz or don't do Xyz and when it's time for the consequence you can empathize with them but the rules are the rules. 

* Visual Schedules: Printing out a visual schedule of what is to happen throughout the day can help them know what is next and there can be a reward system in place

* Acknowledge when they have done something. Doesn't just have to be "good job" "well done" but state what exactly they did "I see you took your plate to the kitchen without being prompted, that's thoughtful" 

* The mums who have an older toddler and a baby, It works differently for each of the children but consistency with preparing your child even after the baby is born, taking minutes each day to focus on just the toddler, giving your toddler gifts from the baby are some of the things that have worked for some of the mums. Give them time to adjust too. It's more work for the mum realistically. 

* We also talked about spanking and most of us agreed that it is possible not to spank but it is harder work, the reason why we might look to reduce spanking is for your kids to also not think it's okay to do it, it's traumatic for them and it informs how their brain is wired, it induces fear in them. While it is a lot of work it's beneficial to them. 

* If there are specific things that they do a lot they grinds you e.g Jumping, throwing, somersaulting those types of things, give them a set time to do that thing so that they can always look forward to it. 

* We also agreed that the toddler years are short and intense, but patience is key as we go through this phase. 

Let’s face it, we are all different and I know that there might be a lot of people out there trying to encourage you to homeschool your kids in this pandemic but homeschooling is not for everyone. As much as some people can try they just don’t have it in their bones, as much as some people can try they are just too exhausted to do it, as much as some people can try they just can’t juggle the demands of working from and homeschooling. 

Just like everything else, homeschooling is HARD!!!

We have been thrown into a difficult situation all over the world and while we are struggling to be stable mentally, we have to deal with homeschooling too and working from home? Sigh!! I said you don’t have to homeschool in the sense of the word “Home” “school” you don’t need to have a table and chair, designated area or attending zoom classes for your younger kids to feel like you are keeping them engaged. You’d find that the work it takes for your to even keep them focused on the said virtual class is so much more than if you just let them be. So, why don’t we just let them be? 

The thing that is causing us stress with regards to homeschooling is the pressure of thinking of "what they will learn" "if you are a good teacher" "if they will know to write" or "learn a certain thing based on the curriculum" but I want to tell you that ALL of that doesn’t matter!!! 

You are your child’s first teacher, yes, but you also know you are not a teacher. 

One thing you are is a learner. So, how about shifting focus to looking at yourself as a co-learner with your child? 

Secondly, think about this quote:

"Knowledge which is acquired under compulsion obtains no hold on the mind." - Plato

Here is also a quote from a blog 

“When learning is connected to living it is meaningful. It is not something that occurs at certain times, in certain places, with certain people. It occurs all the time, everywhere, and with everyone around us.”  - Whole family learning

Do you see it? You don’t have to homeschool but what you can do instead is connect learning to living! 

Let them be involved in every day, let their curiosity be an area of exploration. A child can learn to write by an interest in writing a letter to someone, a child can learn punctuation by reading books, a child can learn arithmetics from an interest in baking. A child can learn physics from an interest in cars. The possibilities are endless. The general rule of thumb for me is to follow the interest, the learning will happen without you forcing it. 

While I advocate for this to be the way we approach learning with our children, I also know that there are some parents who need to take the pressure to do things a certain way off themselves and just focus on what is important. 

I hope this helps take the pressure off. 

Our Plan for the week. 

Monday

Wednesday

Friday

We did through the week:

We started off the week with a nature walk with the intention to catch a bug but I didn't think we were actually going to find one dragonfly waiting to let us catch it. It was so exciting. 

We let it go as soon as we were done with observation. It was a rainy day so we went back out to jump in muddy puddles *In Peppa pigs voice* 

Playdough bugs: 

Catapillar

Spider

Snake

It will take a lot to tell a 3-year old that a snake is not a bug so we just went with it. 

Spider web hunt:

All-in-all it was a great week and I am sure he had fun, he particularly loved the tissue roll bugs and kept playing with it. I was even roped into a pretend play with the bugs. haha! I loved it, can't complain! 

Next week we are exploring Dinosaurs! Can't wait!

How was your homeschool last week?

When I became a mum, the first few days or weeks were not exciting at all, it was the combination of just having major surgery, the shock of being a new mum, sleeplessness, tension between my husband and I and my mother-in-law helping me and at the same time making me sad.
The culture of omugwu is a thing that for it to be effective, it has to be done properly but I digress. I would say this before I continue, in hindsight, I know my MIL didn’t mean any harm or just wanted to make me sad, it all just came down to misunderstanding and doing the wrong things from a good place (if that makes sense).

Right from when I got out of the theatre till she left I was so unhappy. Different things she said, did or insinuated by her words hurt me deeply and at some point, it escalated that my own mum had to come, talk to me and then I apologised to her which sank me further the hole of the feeling of depression. I didn’t have anyone to talk to, I felt so alone and none of my friends at the time was checking on me. It was a really really lonely road and the fact that it felt that no one was hearing me or taking my feelings into consideration was another blow.
I just lived through each day and reminded myself that the time will be over soon. I appreciate my MIL for everything she did, I mean she was so helpful, cooking for me and taking care of the baby but I was suffering mentally.

So, I found an outlet. This blog.

It started with me sharing posts on my personal Instagram page at the time but since what I talked about there wasn’t related to motherhood I decided to open another page and blog. It was a huge breath of fresh air as I saw that all the things I felt and couldn’t accurately express were not peculiar to me and most mothers at different times have felt the same way. While I felt a relief, I still wasn’t doing okay mentally but I was better.


When my son was about 4 months+ we moved houses and looking back that contributed to how I felt, there were so many things I didn’t like about the move and the house we moved to compared to our old house and that was another trigger. I was so exhausted because I didn’t have help at the time (just got one before the move) and my routine included taking care of a baby, working my part-time job, working on my youtube channel, reading for school work. It was A LOT! Somehow, I made it work but my priority was getting help and I did and did and did and did. In the last 3 years, I can’t even tell you the number of domestic help I have had, in the space of a few months I had like 5 at one time. It’s ridiculous, but today is not about domestic help.


When we moved, I was on the verge and hanging to a thin thread of sanity. You see I have slipped into depression in the past and I know how dark it can get because I had suicidal thoughts and I didn’t ever want to get back there so I will scrape whatever it is to help me barely not go down the dark hole. Once I notice I am slipping, I will take a day off my schedule and just be but still not addressing the issues, so I will feel better enough to continue on my quest of life till I notice I am slipping and the cycle goes on and on.


When we moved, I left my part-time job because I knew if I continued the job it was only a matter of time before I lose my mind, to say I was struggling mentally is putting it mildly, so, I am suddenly not having any income to myself, losing my self-esteem and lost my identity then I started hanging out with Dr Anne and I know on many occasions I must have cried as she was talking or I was talking to her or after I got back home because she had been exactly where I was and I felt a lot better knowing that she SAW me!


It was the beginning of me getting back to myself, it’s been almost 2 years now (if not more) and it’s still been a yo-yo journey, simple things still trigger my and push me to the edge but I am beginning to own my journey and do things that will benefit my mental health.
The recent happenings all over the world have been a huge trigger for me, the pandemic, the police brutality, rape, racism, spiritual abuse and other personal stuff has pushed me to the edge and while I am still trying to find a balance, I am reminded that it’s okay for me to recognise this as a trigger and be okay with myself to take a step back.

Your mental health as a woman when you become a mum is so different than when you didn’t have kids. When you don’t have kids, you can be in your funk for as long as you want and there might or might not be any extra pressure to deal with things. When you become a mum, asides the things you are dealing with as a person, there is the extra pressure to show up for your child(ren) in ways you might not even have the capacity to in that given moment.
Here is what I have been doing over the 3 years of fighting for stable mental health (in no particular order),

1. Knowing that I won’t win all the battles all the time: The journey to stable mental health is not a sprint. There are days you will win the battle and other days, the battle will win you. On those days sit in your feels and ride the wave, just don’t fall off the cliff. 
2. Taking it one day at a time but also one feeling at a time: As much as I take everything one day at a time, there is also the place of taking one feeling at a time. It takes you identifying and labelling what you feel per time and dealing with them one at a time. Like I said above, it’s not a sprint. Deal with each feeling instead of being overwhelmed by the weight of all your feeling all at once. 
3. Unplug: This one has been a huge lifesaver. I’m grateful that I have my mum in the same city and I can ask for a few days when things are going haywire on my end and I need time to unplug. Unplug for all the “roles” you occupy as much as you can afford. Only the healthy can make money, only the healthy can take care of children. Give yourself permission to not follow the newest trend or skip social media for a few days.
4. Get (professional) help: Let’s face it, therapy can be is expensive. While you may be able to afford your first 2 sessions, the real help comes in your consistency and the therapist getting to know you more and we can both agree that won’t happen in one one-hour session. Therapy is something I am looking forward to being able to afford but in the meantime, if you have a trusted friend, talk to them - they may not be able to give you professional advice but they weight of carrying the burden alone can be lifted. If you can afford therapy please do. There is no shame in seeking the help that will help you be a better person and deal with everything you are going through. I know about this because I have few friends and family who have gone through therapy and I see how much it helps them. 
5. Having a sense of purpose: Looking at my life and having a sense of purpose from my walk with God helps me deal with the feeling of despair, worry and hopelessness. I get fuel from that and see a reason to not sink further into the hole and to be honest sometimes you just won’t care but I found also that saying a prayer and being honest with my feelings through journaling “Dear God” letters have helped put things into perspective, get clarity and sometimes just vent everything out. 
6. Do something that is YOU centred: I’ve read in so many places that exercise is good, it gives you the feel-good hormones and all but it is hardddddddd but recently I needed to do something for me and I chose to exercise and while it is very hard, I do it anyway because it is for me! It is something I am doing for me to be better because I know if I can achieve a flatter belly than I currently have, I will feel better about myself. So, find something that will make you feel better about yourself at the end of the day and do it. The process might will be hard but you’d be doing it for the joy that is set before you. 
7. Focus on short term mental goals: Instead of focusing on “I want to be happy” find short term goals that will bring you to that place that will take you to the place you need to be. Don’t compare your journey with anyone else’s and focus on you. 

While I am still struggling to stay balanced and focused mentally, I keep doing all these things to help me stay sane through it all and gradually I am getting myself back together and I hope if this is something you are struggling with you can get help and start your journey to a better mental state. 

Heart Wreath

Materials 

A failed attempt at a playdough

Heart Stamp: 

I really hope you find this useful and can re-create some of the activities in your own home. Please leave a comment for us let us know if you'd try this.