Lagos Mum
Nigerian mum
parenting
parenting blog
pregnancy
Why I decided to blog about my motherhood Journey - One year anniversary
The cuddle blog is One!!! *does the shuffle*
In honour of our one year anniversary, I would like to share my reason for starting this blog.
Where I come from, we hide pregnancies. We don’t tell anyone except close family members until we can’t deny it anymore. Definitely a social media announcement is a no-no. I think in the days before it was mostly out of fear of people using diabolic means to hurt you or your child and I don’t blame them. We heard so many stories about that.
Before I got married I was very open with my life (to some extent) but when you get married to a very private person the dynamics change. It took a lot of balancing acts to find out how much was too much information to share. When we got pregnant, it was a no brainer. My husband didn’t like his business out there, I knew but I still went ahead to design a pregnancy announcement, showed him and he then told me that he didn’t want to share it on social media. We were one the same page.
Ofcourse our families and few friends knew about the pregnancy. I discussed with my sister, my mum and my Dr about the things I was feeling but my experience was a bit different from theirs in some ways and asides the “oh, sorry, it will pass” there was no comfort in “I went through that too”
With the circumstance in which I gave birth to my baby, I really felt lonely on the journey. I couldn’t exactly process my thoughts in time before his birth and after - you simply don’t have time for yourself again. It took me about 2 - 3 months to get myself together. In that process of getting myself together, at the end of the day during those first few months, I would post a picture on my instagram page and just either rant or share what I am experiencing. I noticed a few of my friends who had walked the path before were able to advice me and even if it was just for laughs - it became the highlight of my day.
I was going through so many emotions at the same time and just sharing that bit during the day made me feel like I wasn’t alone on the journey. I then decided to start this blog. If I can be that person for someone else just as known and unknown people were for me over the internet, then I would be so happy.
We go through a lot as new mothers and it is very important we know that we are not on our own on this journey. This is what I hope this space will be about. A community of women sharing honest experiences so the next woman will know that she is not alone.
This is my Why!
What new venture did you recently start and why did you do it?
Lagos Mum
lifestyle
Mumspiration
musperience
new mum
Nigerian mum
parenting
Caring beyond caring - A Tribute to Mothers on mothers day
It is my first mother’s day and as my son grows closer to the end of his first year on earth it is inevitable
that I get this moment of reflection. I can categorically now say that I had no clue what mothering entailed.
When I went to visit people that gave birth and even the closest to me - my sister -
I still never understood. You never really understand until you are a primary caregiver to a child.
that I get this moment of reflection. I can categorically now say that I had no clue what mothering entailed.
When I went to visit people that gave birth and even the closest to me - my sister -
I still never understood. You never really understand until you are a primary caregiver to a child.
It’s not just a bath; It’s like just seeing them taking baths for the baby and thinking that is all that it entails
but there is the cleaning of the ears, nose, cutting of the nails, burping, pacing in the middle of the night,
vomits, after immunisation temperature, sleep training, colic crying child, sleep deprivation,
picking out the outfits, enduring kicks before you eventually get the diaper in place.
but there is the cleaning of the ears, nose, cutting of the nails, burping, pacing in the middle of the night,
vomits, after immunisation temperature, sleep training, colic crying child, sleep deprivation,
picking out the outfits, enduring kicks before you eventually get the diaper in place.
It’s really not about you; I have been a mother for almost 1 year now and I know that mothering is one of the hardest jobs
that there is. The weight -which shouldn’t really be a weight - of the responsibility that has been
placed on your shoulders to nurture and raise a well rounded individual starts from the moment
he/she gives the first cry.
I have also realised that in the moments when I thought about myself and my comfort,
It was detrimental - to a certain degree - to my baby. I know there is society that says
“Take care of yourself” at least It’s only a stable mother that can care for a child right?
But what if your caring for yourself is getting in the way of your duty to raise this child?
You put it in the back seat without apology. I have learnt that.
that there is. The weight -which shouldn’t really be a weight - of the responsibility that has been
placed on your shoulders to nurture and raise a well rounded individual starts from the moment
he/she gives the first cry.
I have also realised that in the moments when I thought about myself and my comfort,
It was detrimental - to a certain degree - to my baby. I know there is society that says
“Take care of yourself” at least It’s only a stable mother that can care for a child right?
But what if your caring for yourself is getting in the way of your duty to raise this child?
You put it in the back seat without apology. I have learnt that.
So, I would go to bed early so I can stick to his routine even if I know it practically means
not getting anything done at night or in the morning or be willing to grugy if I am
stubborn and work till past midnight - the point is to not let me also get in the way of my
duty in the name of taking care of myself (Not that it is not important)
not getting anything done at night or in the morning or be willing to grugy if I am
stubborn and work till past midnight - the point is to not let me also get in the way of my
duty in the name of taking care of myself (Not that it is not important)
You have to learn balance; I have learnt so much about balance, not work-life balance or
how to juggle being a mother, career woman and wife but more about balance with caring.
How much is too much love? How much of this will translate to spoiling your child?
Should I shout? How do I correct this budding habit?
He is 3 months now and doesn’t sleep through the night will it ruin him for life?
Does this child even understand anything yet? You know a child doesn’t come with a manual,
you have to rely on the experiences of those before you - yet children are not the same,
so how do you balance it? THAT IS THE BALANCE I AM TALKING ABOUT.
how to juggle being a mother, career woman and wife but more about balance with caring.
How much is too much love? How much of this will translate to spoiling your child?
Should I shout? How do I correct this budding habit?
He is 3 months now and doesn’t sleep through the night will it ruin him for life?
Does this child even understand anything yet? You know a child doesn’t come with a manual,
you have to rely on the experiences of those before you - yet children are not the same,
so how do you balance it? THAT IS THE BALANCE I AM TALKING ABOUT.
You become BIG BROTHER; You have to be a hawk, literally noticing everything your child does or doesn't do.
How your child reacts to things, play pattern, sleep pattern, feeding pattern, poop pattern,
poop textures, pee pattern and frequency, cry pattern, milestone pattern just name it,
you have to know, why?
Because one can affect the other and your baby cannot tell you exactly when something is wrong.
How your child reacts to things, play pattern, sleep pattern, feeding pattern, poop pattern,
poop textures, pee pattern and frequency, cry pattern, milestone pattern just name it,
you have to know, why?
Because one can affect the other and your baby cannot tell you exactly when something is wrong.
I KNOW first hand now that when saying “Caring for a child” there is so much that meets the eyes.
It is not just a bath!
It is the care beyond the care!
Happy Mother's day.
Happy primary caregiver’s day.
One day is not enough to celebrate the primary caregivers of a child.
Yes! It is the primary caregiver that deserves to be celebrated. They are the ones that do all the work!
Yes! It is the primary caregiver that deserves to be celebrated. They are the ones that do all the work!
Baby tips
cuddle blog
Family
Lagos Mum
Mummy tips
mumsperience
Mumspiration
myths told to new mums
new mum
Nigerian mum
parenting blog
united motherhood
I have been a mum for 10 months now and I have heard A LOT of things - some of which I can't even remember. People - who mean well - will come at you with different suggestions, myths, advice. Some will shove it down your throat and expect you to take it as the gospel, others might just offer their support and gently nudge you in the direction you should go. One thing is for sure though, you will hear plenty of these things especially in the first few months but when you are without experience there is a tendency to take everything people tell you hook line and sinker most especially since "It is how people have always been doing it" but with every myth, advice we have to be careful to confirm with your Doctor and understand what works for your baby.
Here are a few myths that is regularly told to new mums;
Debunking common myths told to new moms || The Cuddle Blog
I have been a mum for 10 months now and I have heard A LOT of things - some of which I can't even remember. People - who mean well - will come at you with different suggestions, myths, advice. Some will shove it down your throat and expect you to take it as the gospel, others might just offer their support and gently nudge you in the direction you should go. One thing is for sure though, you will hear plenty of these things especially in the first few months but when you are without experience there is a tendency to take everything people tell you hook line and sinker most especially since "It is how people have always been doing it" but with every myth, advice we have to be careful to confirm with your Doctor and understand what works for your baby.
Here are a few myths that is regularly told to new mums;
- You will spoil your child by carrying him a lot and he would get used to it; When my baby was about a month old and in my opinion just wanted to be held, I got advice saying I should not carry him too much or he would be clingy when he is older and I should let him cry. I told my Dr Anne of @mums24 and she said "Imagine if watching him cry is traumatic for you, how do you think your baby feels" and that changed it for me. A baby will cry when he needs something or is uncomfortable, he/she is not trying to manipulate you when they are that young. Carry your baby, cuddle her as long as she wants, the truth is he will never go back to being that little again and you will start missing that stage. Now, my 10month old son is NOT clingy and I carried him every chance I got when he was little.
- Umbilical cord must fall off before 7 days: This one is an African thing. There is some sort of pressure for the Umbilical cord to fall off before the naming ceremony which I don't understand. The doctor will typically give you 1-2 weeks for it fall off, so I don't know why we put ourselves under undue pressure. The most important thing is for you to care for it properly and make sure it doesn't get infected.
- Babies crossing legs will not walk early: My question to you is why do you want your baby to walk early? Don't you just want your baby to walk when it is appropriate. The irony is once your baby starts walking you will then want him to sit in one place. Your baby is just crossing her legs because that is what feels comfortable at the time. My baby crossed his legs and from all indications would walk before he is 1.
- Baby belching while breastfeeding will make your breast hard: I was breastfeeding my baby once and my MIL was there and as the baby belched she just exclaimed "remove his mouth from your breast" and I was shook then I asked "Why" and she said "Your breast will be hard because of the air your baby blows in the breast" - the conversation happened in yoruba and I couldn't stop laughing. I am sure the women in the olden days didn't understand engorgement which is why they had to find a reason to explain it. My breast has recieved a lot of belch and not one hardness.
- Strands of wool will stop hiccups; I really don't know why we believe this works. It is absolutely ridiculous to say the least. Lol. I have even heard "It will only work if you believe in it" Do you put wool on your head when you hiccup? Why do you think it will then work because it's happening to a baby? Don't stress yourself. If your baby has hiccups and it's bothering you so much, give him breast milk or formula.
- Teething causes fever and different ailment: Teething doesn't cause fever or any other ailment. Imaging the tooth coming out, it opens up the gum while it might be uncomfortable or painful for the child that is not what causes the child to have fever. While the teeth is coming out, it's like an open wound and your baby who is crawling or touching different things puts that hand or that dirty toy in her mouth can infect the gum which can cause the child to come down with a fever. Your baby DOES NOT HAVE TO HAVE ANYTHING BECAUSE SHE IS TEETHING. Just make sure you keep the environment extra clean, keep them comfortable and cuddle more in that period. I only notice my child is teething when his sleeping pattern changes, he is a bit more cranky or his appetite for food reduces and BAM I see the teeth emerging and it's back to his regular routine.
What myth sounds familiar and which myths have you been told?
Baby tips
FTM
new mum
Nigerian mum
parenting
tips
This was one of the issues that gave a bit of concern in the first 7 days, I don't know where we got the idea that the umbilical cord needs to fall off before 7 days. Doctors have said to give it 1-2 weeks for it to dry and fall off. The most important thing is to keep the area infection free by taking proper care of it. Here are ways to care for the cord while you wait.
How did you care for your baby's Umbilical cord?
How to care for baby's umbilical cord before it falls off
- Keep the area clean; When you are leaving the hospital, you would be told to use cotton wool and spirit. I want to suggest using cotton bud as it is small and can be more targeted with cleaning.
- Open it up let it dry; We are in Nigeria and realistically I know grandma won't agree when you say you want to wash-cloth bath your baby till the cord falls off and we keep stacking up the cloths in this humid climate so, ensure you take some time during the day to open it up. I noticed because of the baths we were giving him it wasn't drying up at the rate is was supposed to, so we opened it up and the cord fell off in a few days.
Those are the most important things. Keep it clean, keep it dry and don't sweat it if it doesn't fall off before the naming. What you should sweat is if there are signs of infection which are
- Base appears red or swollen
- Continues to bleed
- Oozes yellowish or white pus
- Produces foul smelling discharge
- Seems painful to the baby
Please if you notice any of these, contact your doctor immediately.
How did you care for your baby's Umbilical cord?
Please Subscribe to my Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/thecuddleblog
breastfeeding
cuddle blog
First time Mum
Lagos Mum
motherhood tips
Mummy tips
new mum
Nigerian mum
united motherhood
working mum
- Let your baby nurse strategically: Anything touching your nipple now will hurt and will even hurt more if it's a baby sucking hard on it. However, when you are dealing with engorgement, you have to be strategic about the nursing. Place your baby's mouth in the direction of the "lumps" while gently massaging them in circular motions. You also have to alternate in short intervals in order to relieve the 2 breast simultaneously. If the lumps is towards your armpit use a different style to hold baby to suck towards the direction of the armpit - talk about being strategic!
Tips for dealing with engorgement || The Cuddle Blog
The day after giving birth to cuddles, I had 2 giant rocks on my chest. No one told me about it, I only heard that the first few weeks of breastfeeding will be painful. I didn't expect rocks on my chest. Before the end of the next day I was running temperature, I had lumps under my armpit and I was scared thinking it was some form of cancer - This is me being honest - after series of Google searches, I figured out what it really was ENGORGEMENT! *Phew*
What is Engorgement?
According to WebMD, "Engorgement is when your breasts are painfully full of milk". You won't be in doubt when you have it because your temperature will increase, your nymp nodes under your armpit might swell, your once succulent breasts will be replaced with rocks and it will be painful and uncomfortable.
How do you deal with it?
- Get a comfortable but firm maternity bra: This will help but them in place and avoid any jiggle because every shake, touch or poke will hurt at this point.
 |
| Different holding styles |
- Hot Compress: Put a towel in hot water and just place over the engorged breast. Since I was still using hot water to press my body, I just included it as part of my routine to help relieve the pain and let down some milk by gently hand expressing.
- Pump: The trick with pumping to relieve engorgement is to just pump till you feel relief dazz all. If you do not intend to store the milk, there is a tendency that you start producing more milk than your baby needs because you are pumping. So, just watch out for that and just pump enough to feel relief.
These are the methods I tried. Other methods that are recommended online are;
- Cabbage
- Cold compress.
Did you ever get engorged? How did you deal with it?
baby routines
creating routines as a mum
Lagos Mum
motherhood tips
Mumspiration
new mum
Nigerian mum
parenting
routines for new baby
stay at home mum
united motherhood
working mum
As a new Mum one of the things that will help you to have some order in your life and some sanity is a routine. It's bad enough that you don't have anytime for yourself and now your life is dictated by a little human and most especially if you are a stay at home mum, its easy to stay in the bubble and soon enough you start feeling bitter and possibly depressed because of this.
Different people have various opinions about why a routine is important but I think it all boils down to sanity. When you become a mother so many things are calling for your attention and you have to find a way to balance the need of your baby, with your husband, older kids, work and every other thing. Having a routine with your baby - which will translate to when they are older - can bring a level of order into the chaos that is motherhood and babyhood.
Parent-led routines: This is where the parent decides what and when of the babys day. It is sort of very strict as you define what will happen through out the day. I think this might work for older children and not realistic for babies.
Child-led routines: This is you form a routine around what your child decides to do based on the signs given to you. This doesn't mean your day will be unpredictable because over time, you will notice the pattern and know what to expect when. For babies this is more realistic.
A combination of both: This is a flexible combination of both the parent-led and baby-led styles. You will be willing to adjust based on what signs your baby gives you per-day under the basic structure Feed, Sleep, Play. This I have found to be the most realistic and recommended for babies between 5-12 months old.
How to get your baby in a routine || The Cuddle Blog
As a new Mum one of the things that will help you to have some order in your life and some sanity is a routine. It's bad enough that you don't have anytime for yourself and now your life is dictated by a little human and most especially if you are a stay at home mum, its easy to stay in the bubble and soon enough you start feeling bitter and possibly depressed because of this.
Why is a routine important?
Different people have various opinions about why a routine is important but I think it all boils down to sanity. When you become a mother so many things are calling for your attention and you have to find a way to balance the need of your baby, with your husband, older kids, work and every other thing. Having a routine with your baby - which will translate to when they are older - can bring a level of order into the chaos that is motherhood and babyhood.
Routine creating styles
Parent-led routines: This is where the parent decides what and when of the babys day. It is sort of very strict as you define what will happen through out the day. I think this might work for older children and not realistic for babies.
Child-led routines: This is you form a routine around what your child decides to do based on the signs given to you. This doesn't mean your day will be unpredictable because over time, you will notice the pattern and know what to expect when. For babies this is more realistic.
A combination of both: This is a flexible combination of both the parent-led and baby-led styles. You will be willing to adjust based on what signs your baby gives you per-day under the basic structure Feed, Sleep, Play. This I have found to be the most realistic and recommended for babies between 5-12 months old.
How can you get a non-routined baby into a routine? Glad you asked.
- Track EVERYTHING: When I had my baby, I drew a table in my journal. Tracked his feeding time, when he woke up, when he pooped, how many wet diapers a day he had till I found an app "Feed Baby" . I did the tracking for the first few months and it really helped me understand his pattern. I knew exactly what to expect and when.
- Create one that works for you & Baby: In the initial 3 months, based on the data I had, I knew what to expect and I could schedule myself based on that. Also, don't rely totally on the data. Observe your baby as well. I noticed that Cuddles is so calm and happier right before 3pm and get's really cranky - on most days - after 5 pm based on that knowledge, I can leave him to play on his own before 3 pm and moved up our evening routine to 5pm from 7pm. Observe and adjust.
Consistency is key: Whatever you decide to start based on this data gathered - Be consistent. It won't be a routine if it keeps changing and the idea is to get your baby's body clock adjusted to it. Do the work now so you can have fairly predictable days when your child is older.
NOTHING IS SET IN STONE: Keep in mind the 80-20 rule. Your child will follow the routine 80% of the time and use you to play yo-yo the other 20% - Yes! I totally just made that up but you get the point. There is also the part of them growing up and how you would have to adjust this routine based on their current needs. A newborn baby won't need so much time allotted to play but a crawling baby would. Just be sure to observe as they grow older, rinse and repeat.
Everyday will be different be sure to enjoy it.
Keep rocking motherhood.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)